Tuesday, May 12, 2009

i've been crying a lot these past few days.
trust me, A LOT.
the other day, it was because i felt somehow very sad,down and under pressure.
then it was because i felt like someone was trying to avoid me.
and yesterday was the climax of it all.
Faisal's leaving us.
yeah,he's going back to Malaysia for good so we basicallt cried out hearts out.
and for me,somehow it felt better to let it all out.
cried for god knows how long and dah ramai yang nmpak.
after dinner ramai2,went home and decided to sleep since my head was pounding, pressure jatuh and kepale rase berat yang teramat sngat.
i went to bed at 11 but kept tossing and turning and finally did sleep at around 1.
but then i had all sorts of dreams and kept waking up and sleeping back meant another dream.
one was about faisal, about the four of us, arif, a gathering like the one we had at gmn just now, but a place i cant recall then it was something about my family back home.
waking up every hour and having weird dreams isn't exactly my idea of f good night's sleep.
rosal left me a missed call at around 2 but definitely was not in the mood to talk.
and i called him at 9.
so yeah.
by 3, i just couldnt stand it anymore and decided not to sleep.
naz was still awake, she just finished editing her blog and was all excited showing me her new layout.
but me still stoned, tired,restless and sleepy wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
it's awesome naz.i love it. :)
so yeah, arif, muaz and a few others are gonna try persuading his parents to let him stay.
or at least sit for the finals.
am really hoping he'll stay.
because he's more than a friend to us.
more like a brother.
without him,it'll be dysfunctional family-1.
things just wouldn't be the same without you.
you're like a rock we all lean on and hold on tight to.
no matter how emotionally unstable we get, you're always there to point things out to us.
it just wouldn't be the same.
what if i get my heart broken again?
what if we lose faith?
what if one day we miss you so badly?
there is just so many what if's.
i know fadzil said ' setiap pertemuan ade perpisahan',
and abg nan and azam said this might be the best for you.
but still. :(

''not anytime soon.''
''i'll wait for him at the airport when you guys come back for summer break.''
whats that suppose to mean,cye?
we need you.
i need you.

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