Dear Y,

I was honestly true to whatever we had and I hope you did too. But obviously, this is all just another lie we both led. I expected honesty from you because that was what I was giving you. All that I have done reflected how deeply I cared for you and how grateful I am that I found you. I believed all that you said, never doubted even a word and was ready to give you my hand whenever you needed it. You told me everything, or at least that was what I thought and not even once I felt like shutting you out, no matter what you told me. You knew I would always be there for you, and I think, you even believed that there was no end to it.


I remember you telling me that you know me so well, sometimes even I don't know myself that well. You were an important person in my life, someone I looked up to, someone I expected to always be there for me no matter what and someone who honestly cared. When something's not right, you always knew, I didn't even have to say anything. But obviously, things aren't the way they were anymore.


You think I'm just being dramatic, silly and what-not when all I want is for you to wake up from all this games you've been playing and start doing the right thing before things get out of hand and it would be too late. Yes, I am mad at you. And I know all you think right now is that I am doing whatever I am because me being me, I follow my own consciense. And I honestly believe that you feel that this would go on only for a few days, and that I would be running back to you in just a matter of time. You think that you have to make things right and say what everyone wants to hear so that things will fall back in place. Or maybe, you just don't need me anymore.


I am not going to say this in your face, because right now, you are just too stucked up leading this fun life of yours without realising all the people who truly care about you, and that you are going to hurt them deeper than you can ever imagine. You feel that things are heading in your direction, but you forgot that you don't know what might be ahead. When it's too late, there's no looking back. People have feelings. When they get hurt, over and over again, nothing you can say or do, at that time can make it go away.


So please, all I am asking right now is just for you to take a minute, sit down and really look at what's happening around you. Is this the life that you want to lead? Are these the people you really want to be with? Have you started believing in all the lies you tell? Right now, you have no idea how much you've hurt me. There's no respect left for you. Every single word you say, makes me think. Did you really mean it? Or are you just saying it because it seemed to be the right thing to say? But I still have a bit of hope and faith left deep down inside. That soon, you will have the courage to stand up and start putting the pieces to where it belongs. If you still need me at that time, all you have to do is let me know. I will be there for you. But if you do not need me right now, there's nothing I can do. I have my own life to lead too, with or without you. I cant stay and watch you destroy yourself bit by bit, knowing that there's nothing I can do about it. For now, I will leave the scene, but remember if you ever need me again, I will be there with open hands.


Prove yourself. Prove to everyone that you are not who they think you are now. Prove me wrong.

Love.

I'm sorry I hesitated and it took me so long to come and get you.
I know right now things are just so fucked up and you feel like everything is crashing on you.
You feel like the whole world is laughing and pointing their fingers at you.
You feel like there is absolutely nothing that you can do and you want to hide and shield yourself from everything and everyone.
I know how confused and messed up you are and that no matter how hard you try to lie to yourself, you just can't.

Please don't put up that smile, we both know it's fake.
Don't tell yourself that you're strong enough to stand on your own, when we both know you're just drowning deeper.
You can't stand on your own two feet right now and I am not strong enough to carry you on my own.
Give me your hand, show me that you still have that fighting spirit I've always adored.
I know it's still somewhere deep down.
Although it may seem like it's shattered, broken into pieces and crushed, we can still fix the broken pieces before it's too late.
All I need you to do is give me your hand, don't look back, and fight this battle.
I still have faith in you and I know this is not who you really are and beneath all the lies you try to build to shield yourself, this is not what you really want.
And I think you know that eventually, it is eating you from the inside, and consuming you.

Please,
Stop all this.
Give me your hand and I will not let go.
Come home with me.
We are not the whole wide world.


We are your friends.

They say I am stupid.
Honestly, sometimes I feel like I am.
But tell me this.
Does trying to look pass other people's ugly side and trying to hide them somewhere so deep to the point you think you can run from it and lie to yourself over and over again worth it?
Is it so hard to just be nice to the people who has done nothing but try to be nice to you?
We just don't have the answer to everything, that, I know.
But sometimes I wish there was a switch that erases all the bad feelings, thoughts, vibes, whatever you call it.



p/s: I think I'm so stoned due to sleep deprivation I'll sleep the whole day tomorrow.

Happy 20th Birthday Mastura Mat Yasim. <3

We are now officially 11 months and 2 weeks apart, age-wise.
We had fun. Helping Farid with the surprises, 20 balloons, 4 fishes, a cheese cake and a card and makan sampai hongeh at Pizza Hut. Cuba ikut jalan pintas sebab konon nak tepungkan yang lain, so the four of us, Mye, Shabs, Naz and I took a cab and tunggu tepi selekoh konon nak tepungkan smua orang. Tiba-tiba dtang segerombolan arab saying things like ' You are beautiful, I love you.' Errr. -.-

Lari2 tiba-tiba bila diorang smpai, tambah lagi sorang rupanya. Pakcik cycling a bicycle-like vehicle denagn rantai basikal as the handles, mcm mane entah and he wanted a handjob. And di sebabkan I desperately needed to go to the toilet but there wasn't one, I hid in a corner sbb tak larat nak lari dgn wedges lagi, unless nak memalukan diri sendiri dengan jatuh tergolek dan di langgar. Tiba-tiba pakcik tu came near, bukak seluar and nak mintak belas kasihan dengan menyedekahkan handjob. Thank you, but no thank you pak cik! He waited in front of the gate while the others were busy trying to get everyone covered with flour and mind you, there were boys there as well, bukan hanya kami perempuan2. And when we finally nak naik atas, ada hati nak ikut sekali. Dapat pulaakk. Had to shower at 2 in the morning. Dengan air sejuk.

Bangun2 sakit tekak, kepala berat and rasa nak demam. Ada hati lagi tu pergi jalan2 smpai bank, Etisalat Center lepas tu pusing balik and jalan all the way smpai Rumas. Nak buka puasa tgh jalan, tapi air dah kene rampas dengan perompak air depan Bahgat Samir. Pucat sorang2 tunggu makanan dengan air. Balik singgah salon dekat Tir'ah, kesian mak cik comel tu buat threading dapat dengan mak cik lagi sorang. Habis merah muka, siap menjerit-jerit kesakitan. Rasa mcm nak pat bahu dia and ckp, '' Sabarlah makcik, this is what you chose''. Pergi Venus, and potong rmbut pendek smpai bahu. So sekarang, tunggulah smpai dia panjang balik, siapa suruh potong kan?


p/s : tak sabar nak tunggu hari jumaat. :D

I know people usually post this on NYE or New Year itself, but hey, better late than never, right?
So here are my New Year's resolution. It ain't that great, but hey, at least I have some.

1. To have better control of my emotions and myself. This includes to be more patient, less judgmental, listen more and talk less, not be bothered by things that shouldn't be bothering me, be nicer to people, and when I say I'm gonna do something, I shall do it and not procrastinate.

2. To stop spending on things unworthy of my attention and that I could live without and still be happy. I will only buy something if it is on sale, or if I need it and only as a treat to myself after I have done something I should feel proud of and deserves to be treated. Or If I could not contain myself, I shall buy it as a gift to someone, to spread the love and what not. And that includes offering my food to those who need it more than I do and not run away, unless they are attacking me with brutal forces like the other day that beggar literally forced me to give her my money and when I didn't because I couldn't she pulled my hand so hard because she wanted my purse that it left a red mark for quite some time and when I managed to run, she swore that God would never ever help me again.

3. To do my laundry and clean up my room more often. I learnt that I should not not do my laundry untill the laundry basket is full and that I have nothing else to wear because you never know what's gonna happen and you don't want to go out with something that should have been washed a few days ago and no matter how hard I try to escape doing the laundry, I still have to do it. And for the room, you can't have all the world to yourself, so your room is basically your little world. And who wouldn't want their little world to be perfect?

4. To devote more of my time and energy to God. When everything in your world seems to fall out of place and you feel like basically you're alone, actually you're not. God is closer to you than you can ever imagine. And if there's someone, somewhere who would be with you all the time, He would. So, I will, because I believe that He has his plans and that with His guidance, Insya-Allah, things would work out, one way or another.

5. To talk to my family more often. My mom keeps telling me that I am not calling home, that I am spending my time more on Facebook, or more specifically Cafe World so I will call home or Skype with them more often and tell them all that's been happening and bore my mom with me whining about things only a few know, not to talk to my dad only when I need something, Ding can take more snapshots of me in my pajamas with my messy hair and indescribably horrible facial expressions and hear Erra talk in Kedah or if I'm lucky, see them wrestle each other in front of the webcam.

6. To see the good side in others. The world is not full of fairies and saints and neither is it populated by beasts and monsters. Everyone is human and has a good and bad side to them. We can't change someone, or expect them to change entirely to be someone you like because that's just it, we can't please everyone no matter how hard we try. So all you can do, is to look at the good side and not let the bad side cloud your judgement.

7. To have more faith in myself and believe that If I really want something and work hard enough for it, I will get it.

19. :)

Rasulullah s.a.w telah bersabda yang maksudnya:”Jika seorang hamba Allah kematian anak, Allah bertanya kepada Malaikat:”Adakah kamu telah mengambil nyawa anak hamba-Ku? Malaikat menjawab:”Ya.” Allah bertanya lagi: “Kamu telah mengambil nyawa buah hatinya?” Malaikat menjawab:”Ya”. Allah bertanya kali ketiga:”Apakah kata hamba-Ku?”Malaikat menjawab:”Ia bersyukur pada-Mu serta mengucapkan “dari Allah kita datang dan kepadanya kita kembali”. Allah Ta’ala memerintahkan malaikat-Nya:”Binalah baginya sebuah rumah di syurga dan namakan rumah itu ‘Rumah Kesyukuran’.”

( at-Tirmidzi dan Ibnu Hibban )


13 years, and we still miss you.




Al-Fatihah.

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.

I'm Sorry. Truly am. <3

Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.

Happy 43rd Birthday Mommy.
I Love You. <3






p/s: sorry post lmbat, internet's been terrible. :S

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

From Mansoura to Cairo.
From Cairo to Istanbul.
From Istanbul to Bursa.
From Bursa to Pamukkale.
From Pamukkale to Konya.
From Konya to Aksaray.
From Aksaray to Ankara.
From Ankara to Bolu.
From Bolu to Istanbul.
And then back to Cairo and then Mansoura.
:)

its winter.
and nothing beats a cup of hot coffee and good company.
and am hoping i get to go to turkey and they'll come to egypt straight from turkey.


and the creepy taxi driver might know where i live now.
i'm never gonna be in a taxi alone anymore.
:S

today is the 1st.
which means i have 4 days left.
so much to do, so little time.

the guy from best denki didn't call me, though he promised that he would.
so i had ayah call them and ask because i need my ipod. very sooon.
and they said they didnt know if my ipod would be ready by today.
which part of 'i need my ipod before wednesay because i'm going off soon' did you not understand?
mom said most probably they didn't know what was really wrong with my ipod.
true. the other day the repair guy called me and said 'your ipod is perfectly fine, miss. nothing wrong at all'.
-.-
technology repels me. my laptop, my handphone, my camera, even my watch.
you name it.
something IS wrong and i know it.
why would i not use my ipod for more than 6 months then?
please, do get it fixed.
that's 80 gb of my life we're talking about.


and i have started packing, due to my parents' constant reminder.
i've stuffed in basically everything,
except for a few pair of jeans, some shirts, chargers and some toiletries.
and shoes.
i weighed the smaller bag for check in, and it was 15 kgs.
AFTER i unstuffed some food and told mom to send it to me later together with my baju kurung.
so now i have to come up with a few options, because i don't think ayah would be very happy having to pay another 5++ or 9++ for extra baggage.

option 1 :
unpack all food items and go as anorexic as possible.

option 2 :
hang shoes around my neck, carry bags on both my shoulders and wear layers of clothes.

option 3 :
buy another seat and place a fish in a ziploc on the seat so that i'll get another 40 kg luggage allowance.


mcm mana? :S

Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.


They are the silent language of grief.

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And 'til we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

The I wish's.


1. I wish that I was skinny, pretty, and tall.
2. I wish I don't shop that much and spend my money on less money-consuming things like tissues.
3. I wish I could eat seafood every day and have crabs for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
4. I wish Snow White wore a different gown and Cinderella would wear her hair down.
5. I wish I could fly to Disneyland whenever I feel sad or lonely.
6. I wish I understand what animals are saying. Moo must mean smtg, right?
7. I wish cats don't scratch and animals are less scary.
8. I wish I have a lot of money so that I would be a guilt-free shopper.
9. I wish acne is a sticker dentists give instead of smtg that grows on your face or on your back.
10. I wish I could have a lion or a polar bear for a pet.
11. I wish ppl would understand that love is not just for boyfriends/girlfriends.There's a whole lot more to it.
12. I wish there are no such thing as light pollution.
13. I wish people would judge less and care more.
14. I wish leaving is a good thing and not one where people cry and be miserable about.
15. I wish homesick was a chocolate frog.

what you see is not what you will always get, honey.
selalunye kita sngat lupa dan lalai dan tak perasan ape yang ada di depan mata smpai benda tu hilang.
bila dah hilang, baru lah nak meratap.
tapi bila dah terjadi, amik kotak tisu ni, lap air mata tu.
tak pun menangis lah diam2 dalam gelap tu smpai tertidur.
kalau tak, menangis masa tgh mandi.meraung pun takda sape dengar kan?
it makes you feel a whole lot better, kan?
hati rasa sakit?
ambil sekotak hansplast ni, tampal dekat hati tu.
tak berkesan?
lets move on to plan b then.
nak sedapkan hati sendiri, put the blame on someone else.
tunding jari dekat si polan ni, beritahu satu dunia si polan tu yang bersalah.
bina shield setebal yang mungkin agar diri sendiri tak akan dipersalahkan.
we always tell ourselves what we want ourselves to believe, but not the truth.
why?
because the truth hurts.it always does.

okay so i have been studying abdomen these few days that i can not look at it any more.
honestly.
at one point, my head went black and i couldnt think of anything but chicken rice and cempedak goreng so i cooked lunch and watched the notebook and cried my heart out.
then i sat on the balcony, counted planes and stars and watched the clouds go by.
i waited for soraya to call and she did, at 12.
we went to welatin and laughed and talked and it felt good.
it felt like it was a really long time since i had a good laugh.
decided to walk back home since we were stuffed and came across this awesome pharmacy.
it felt like we were in cairo.
sat for more than an hour, rumagged through all the shelves and went excited and giddy.
ended up buying a body mist and face mask.
when we got home, it was 4 in the morning.
dyed shabs and soraya's hair and by 7, we were so sleepy that we slept till it was 3.
went for lunch and tea at baron and now its 2.39 in the morning.
i just finished my crepe *parts of it anyways*, am listening to pls dont stop the music, camwhoring alone with the webcam and i can hear the books screaming at me.
fish u spleen, kejap lah.gimme another 5 minutes. sighs.






oooh and it is true.ignorance is bliss and goodbyes are forever.so hold on tight to whatever you have right now.


p/s : what happens when you miss someone you really shouldnt?

Happy 43rd Birthday, Ayah. I love you lottsss.

And have a safe journey Mommy and Mak Teh. I love both of you very much.

I got bored of my bedsheet so bought a new bedsheet with Shabs. It's Egyptian Cotton and it's unbelievably cheap. We got it for 50 genih when they sell the exact same one in Malaysia for RM400. Strike one for Egypt! Haha.

Along with the excitement of the new bedsheet, I cleaned the whole room. Rearranged stuffs, swept the floors, tidied the clothes, lap sini, lap sana, did a whole week's laundry and basically is now happy with the room. I wanted to buy new carpet, a floor-length mirror and a chest but will have to wait for Pika which means another 2 months, more or less.

And then I changed my ticket so iA will be coming home on the 15th of September, by Gulf Air. So far the plan is to go mandi and tukar baju at Atok's place or rumah and then straight away to KLCC shopping and then berbuka and all. But then Soraya said, will probably get too tired and balik terus tidur. Haha, will see how it goes. Ohh, can't wait to come back home.

Ohhh and after all the excitement of mengemas rumah, I am now down with sorethroat and flu. Oh and did I mention that we do not have a window, so basically dust is everywhere. And its Egypt, so its double or triple the amount of dust. And, Baba's renovating his store upstairs. The drilling, hammering, shouting, saw dusts, cements and all tidak membantu langsung proses baik pulih ini. Sighs. My head is so heavy I feel like I'm walking in a cemented helmet and the small annoying penyek thing is now blocked. Stuffed. Geli? Seberat-berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul. And I miss the company. Everyone's back in Malaysia, or at home, refusing to go out because of the weather. Come laah, lets go out or something. I thought summer was supposed to be fun?



Haih. Can I get a Happy Meal with a strawberry sundae and a big bear hug? *hachoo* ooh, and another box of Kleenex please?

I have gone back to basics.
It is now black.
Okay, not entirely black.
There's still shades of browns here and there.
But still.
It's like when I was in Form 3.
Ohh, the good old times.

I'll have to make this work somehow.
Or I'll have to reconsider other options.
Dear Lord, help me.

I think I might have to hold a garage sale soon.
Anyone interested?

Tok Long passed away.
I'm gonna miss you.
Especially during the visits to Tanjung Malim.

Al-Fatihah. :(

Sorry I haven't been blogging for a while.
Been busy. ;)
Right after Oral Histo, Yuya, Titi and I went to Cairo.
City Stars and Hussein, Khan El Khalili.
Just us girls.
Left for Cairo early in the morning and left Cairo for Mansoura around 9.
Shopping was awesome. :D



And then we had BBQ.
Me, Yuya, Titi, Mye, Anis, Quya, Uci, Fah, Pute', and Azzyati.
Ikan bakar, air asam, coleslaw, mashed potatoes, fried rice, beef, hotdog.
All manually made.
Though it took 2 hours to start the fire, I would say it was a success.
Ate until everyone stopped eating, sat and talked and ate again.
All night until dawn.
Talked, camwhored, singing, just being silly and having fun.
We should do it more often.
What say you?



The next day, we were up for a surprise birthday party for Uci.
Kononnye 'ter'jumpe dekat Pizza Party.
At 12, they brought out the cake and we were singing and laughing and did not want to end the night yet.
So everybody crashed at our place.
We watched 'The Unborn' and was screaming and laughing and basically slept at 6.
Happy Birthday Uci! :)


Tomorrow's our last paper, English.
We'll start studying kejap lagi.
Honestly.
Hope everyone scores for English.
Amen.

And then, it's time to go jalan-jalan and have more fun. ;)

I got what I wanted.
Yay!
Thank you Ayah. :)

Okay.
I am gonna clarify things.
Right here, right now.
My status on YM about getting married was a joke between me and Yuya and somehow, by accident, I went from invisible to available and didn't notice it.
Omar is my landlord's son who likes to scream and shout at odd hours like 2 in the morning.
So yes.
Saya belum mahu berkahwin.
Mungkin tidak akan berkahwin dalam masa terdekat ni.
InsyaALLAH beberapa tahun akan dtang nanti.
Tidak mempunyai calon.
Sedang jatuh cinta.
Tapi bukan dengan orang.
Dengan benda-benda yang tidak hidup.
Seperti kasut, beg dan lipbalm.
So please ignore benda-benda tu semua.
Itu hanya gurauan semata-mata dan tiada kene mengena antara yang hidup atau yang telah tiada.
So please don't come up to me and say Congratulations.
Sekian, harap maklum.

Hari ni sngat lah panas.
Seriously.
Like when I woke up, I immediately took a shower and didn't want to get out.
Kalau boleh nak berendam, but then baru teringat.
I have Histology exam tomorrow.

So then I studied and sometime after Asar, I got tired and sleepy.
Honestly, the heat somehow has a way of making people sleepy.
So I slept and basically woke up after 10 minutes.
The frustrating part?
It happened for two hours.
And at six, I started feeling cranky because I needed the sleep.
I wanted to sleep. Badly.
But had to wake up because I was sweating like mad.
It was as if I just ran across a desert at noon.
Great.

And, the best part was, my lipbalm melted.
Yes, my lipbalm, yang baru beli hari tu and baru pakai sekali, melted.
It was in a tub, and no, I didn't put it beside the laptop mcm hari tu.
Oh, baru teringat kene balik rumah lama and amik lipbalm masukkan dlam fridge hari tu.
Anyways, yes. It melted.
To the point that it was almost batter-like and bila nak pakai, dia menitik2.
I refrigerated it and now it's normal-looking again and tastes good.
Yay me! Hahah.

I ordered CookDoor for dinner and told the guy to bring change for 100.
The guy even had it printed on the receipt and the delivery guy had the guts to tell me nobody told him and even suggested that I wait while he goes to a shop because he had no change.
Dapat pulak nak trust you with 100 genih and not run away with my money.
After arguing and him muttering swear words under his breath while thinking that I-do-not-understand-him-but-I-do-and-was-actually-refraining-myself-from-kicking-or-at-least-swearing-back-at-him, Yuya gave me 40 and he returned my change. Tak cukup 50 sen.
While I was counting, he ran down the stairs.
Yes, ran.
Ok, fine, he did not run.
He fled down the stairs and into the lift.
Pfft.
Amik lah 50 sen tu, pergi beli Chixo. * a Cadbury version of Choki Choki*

Oh, and hopefully I can withdraw money tomorrow.
Am gonna buy that thing I want and no Low, am not gonna buy a canggih-canggih one so that sampai naik juling mata kau tengok.
Bahaha.
Oh, and am in the mood for a new lipbalm.
Hopefully everything's well tomorrow with exam and all.
InsyaALLAH.

Ya Tuhanku, lapangkanlah untukku dadaku, Dan mudahkanlah untukku urusanku.

Two of our housemates have gone back to Malaysia for the summer break.
So that leaves only the two of us here in this house.
Have a safe journey you guys.
Dan juga kepada yang lain-lain yang dah nak balik.


Lots of love from Mansoura.
;)

Happy Father's Day, Ayah.

You have been, you are and you will always be the one I look up to.

Thank you for everything.

I love you so very much.

Angkat barang, 2nd trip.
Thank you Arif and Husni.
Jasa kalian di kenang.
:)

Terima kasih.
Seikhlas hati, terima kasih banyak-banyak.
Wak, Boboy, Bob, Aceng, Fikri, Muawiyah, Luth, Syamil, Rahman, Farid and Titi.
Turun 5 tingkat dengan berbeg-beg dan berkotak-kotak.
Satu beg bukan setakat 5kg.
Lebih rasenye.
Adalah dalam 40 kg kot beg yang kecik tu.
Yang besar, you do the math. ;)
Tapi betul lah, ingatkan ada byak lagi masa dah smpai bawah tu.
Terima kasih banyak-banyak.
Tuhan saja dapat membalasnya.


Oh, and Happy Birthday Biyanan.
Kesian birthday boy kene angkat barang.
Nanti claim Snickers Cruncher ye.
Hadiah hari jadi.
:)

We were supposed to move in to the new house last Monday but it's already Wednesday today and I have exam on Friday.
And another one on the 25th.
Pika and Naz is going back on the 26th.
Dear Baba, cepat lah sikit.
Time is running out.

Oh, and something's wrong with my phone.
It has been on roaming mode for the last 3 days.
I can't make any phone calls or send any text messages.
The worst part is, I can't even receive phone calls and text messages.
Hmm, a new phone, perhaps?

I am confused, angry, frustated and dissapointed.
Yes, I am.
Very, in fact.

Where are you when I need you?
Cepat lah. :(

It has been a while since we last ate at GMN and everyone was not in the mood to cook so we decided to have lunch at GMN.
I am honestly worried sick for Physiology.
Very very very worried.
So we were eating when Shabs came in with Asadah and Soraya and it wasn't until they sat with us that I noticed Asadah's jeans.
Its exactly the same pair of jeans I have and left at home.
And due to the awesome combination of imbalanced hormones, summer heat, starvation, exam stress and the frustation of trying to memorize immunity, I found myself missing home.
It was as if I was in my room, looking out the window, and everything was just surreal.
The bed, the closet, the chest by the window, the bathroom, the mirrors, the carpet, everything.
And it felt like I could just walk out the room and walk around the familiar house and expect familiar faces and voices around me.
And then reality hit.
At least lagi 2 bulan baru boleh balik okay? Sila berpijak di bumi nyata sekarang juga sebelum anda terbang jauh, mengelamun dan membiarkan saja buku Physio itu di situ.
It's silly how a pair of jeans can have that much effect.
Maybe it's this place.
Then again, maybe it's just me.

I was having lunch with Izzah yesterday when she said something to me.
Something never in a million years would I ever thought of.
Then it hit me that it might be true.
And it boggled my mind all day yesterday.

''Look, I like you for who you are, just the way you are and I don't need you to change. In fact, I don't want you to change. I don't need you to be *. Honestly, I don't want you to. Sila tafsir betul2 semua yang telah berlaku, and you'll get it. There's more to it than what you think.''

Blurgh. If only I could go up to him and say it in his face.

And seriously, I cant stand looking at books anymore. Especially Physiology. Wanna know why?

Because I feel like throwing up. Honestly, I do. Dah pening tgok buku2 ini. Dah penat. Dah mual.
Tinggal rasa nak muntah dan pengsan bersama2 timbunan buku ni.

"Dear God, help me. Give me strength. I need to do this. I have to make this work somehow."

Or, bak kata Dora, I'll die trying.

We were studying, when Naz started googling.
Of all the things google-able, guess what she googled.
Mona Fandey.
Yes, THE Mona Fandey.
Apparently, she's on Wikipedia.
That's how popular she is.
Apparently, she was a pop singer at one point, managed to record an album, and has this one hit single, 'Ratapan Anak' and it's on Youtube.
Seriously, the video was creepy.
Naz posted a link and wrote

''Adakah tahap keberanian anda tinggi? Sila buka.''

And she sent a picture of her when she was on trial to Izzah and Yuya's phone, insisting that she put that as their wallpaper.
And guess who shouted at 12.30 in the morning?
All of us.
Pfft.
So much for late night entertainment.

Oh and thank you Nazeera Nasir for the new layout.
Seriously, thank you.
:)

To say that I am not dissapointed would be an utter lie.
But it would be very selfish of me to not let you guys go.
I hope you guys had fun.
I love you all very much.
Still.
Maybe it's just all the exam stress.
And the fact that I want to go home so very badly.

I am not a shopaholic.
Neither do I come from a family where money is not an object.
It's just that when I do buy something, it makes me feel better.
A whole lot better.
Be it a pair of shoes, bags, clothes or just an ice-cream,
shopping is like a therapy.
Seriously, it is.


I do not cry without a reason.
I cry when I am feeling sad, down, discouraged, mad or simply scared.
When it feels unbearable.
I do not cry because I want the attention.
I cry because when I do, it washes a bit of the pain.


Do not tell me that I do not want it bad enough.
Or that I am not working as hard as you are.
Or that I do not deserve it.
Because you do not know anything.
At least not yet. :)


Anyways, Physio exam is in 7 days, exactly a week. And I haven't been studying as hard as I should. They are all in Japan for the holidays. And I did not know until last night, the day before they're coming back home. Yeah, I love you guys too. Pfft.

Ohh, the other day one of my housemate was studying with bones and she took permanent markers and started drawing muscle insertion and all when another hosemate of mine asked,

''eh, takpe ke kau conteng tulang tu dengan marker?''

and guess what she answered?

''hmm.entah lah, tapi aku rasa lah kan, aku rasa lah, tulang ni tak payah amik air smyang.''

so, yeah.

and the other day, W wanted to take photos with X, to compare skin colours.

W : jom lah, satu gambar je.
X : no.
W : boleh lah. it's for my own collection.
X : no.
W : i'm recording this, you know.
X : s**t, nmpak! saje je kan?

Then, all of a sudden,

Y : Kalau aku masuk, mesti aku kat tengah2 kan?

One word Y, pffffffft.
Anyways, we retold the story to Z and A.

Z : tak baik lah, habis tu kalau aku, dekat mane?
Y : kau tgh gayut phone mase tu.
W,X,A : huh?
Z : bukan, kalau aku masuk, aku dekat mane?
Y : kau tgh gayut phone lah mase tu.
W,X,A : Oi, kau ni kenape?
Y : eh.eh.oohhhhhh.baru aku faham.haha.

The conclusion here is, we, by the day, scratch that. By the second, are getting more and more insane. But most definitely we are loving every second of it.

Oh, the people I love.

One who hates aborigin people, bad English, zits, wants to get hot ASAP, and wants nothing more than to be home, an SLR camera and likes someone never-in-a-million-years-would-she-fall-for-but-did-eventually. Sometimes is extra sweet saying stuff like ''aku sayang kau'' and when she's not in the mood and you try saying that, she'll be '' What did you do? What did you break?'' and is a philosopher-in-the-making.

Another one who seems to be the only one who likes Miley Cyrus and the another-mountain-song in the house, trying to learn the guitar, addicted to Best juices, always in front of the laptop and is now being called a rempit by Naz.

The big sister who really knows how to cheer people up, had a pedal-feast the other day, always up for delivery or just jalan-jalan when we're bored, always there to listen, knows how to have fun and still work hard for what she wants and a firm believer of herself and always have a way of making us happy and trust me, seeing her laugh is contagious. I rolled on the floor at 5 in the morning, crying as I laughed too hard. Oh, and don't ask what were we laughing about.

And the bubbly one who always does random things and say random stuffs. Always up for shopping, movies and chocolates. Very funny and sweet and always perasan as the ''budak kampung''. Pfft. Cyberjaya bukan kampung okay? And is being bahan-ed as the Mawi fan, mainly because she's from Johore and adalah sbb satu benda ni. She's part Bugis and if it isn't for her, I wouldnt know what Burasak, mandre or lalek menggali-gali means. Oh, and she basically reads my minds at times and sometimes, writes it on my wall on Facebook. :)

In loving memory :

Allahyarham Tuan Haji Abdullah.

You will always be in my hearts and prayers.
Your strength and courage throughout the years have been my inspiration.
Your passion towards education and the nation will always be remembered.
Your love and care for us all will be cherished.
Your last words to me when you were on your deathbed is still playing on the back of my head.
Again and again.
I still remember watching you fight even when others have lost hope.
I remember holding your cold hands and whispering to you and not knowing that it was the last time you'd hear me.
The next time I saw you, less than an hour after that,you have left us all.
I couldnt cry, because a part of me was still in shock.
Along the ride back home and throughout the day,it still felt unreal.
You should be in you room, sleeping.
Or at the kitchen, having dinner.
Or at the living room, reading the newspaper.
But then, reality hit me.
I watched with my own eyes, how they brought you back in that white van.
I helped prepare the bed for you one last time.
I didn't want to see you before they brought you away.
I hate goodbyes.
But when they called me, I hesitantly approached.
Looking at your face that day, I still remember, you looked so calm.
It felt like nobody else was in the room.
And when I kissed you for the last time, I knew that was goodbye.
And when Erra moved aside after that, that was the last time we'd see you, Onyang.

Ya Allah ya Tuhanku,
Cucuri rohnya dengan rahmat dan tempatkannya dalam kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.



Segala puji bagi Allah yang telah mengilangkan dukacita dari kami. Sesungguhnya Tuhan kami benar-benar Maha Pengampun Lagi Maha Mensyukuri.


Alfatihah.

Yuya and Pika's room is like our little home now.
We do basically everything in here.
Sleep, chat, eat, talk, surf the net, study.
So yeah it has become very cosy now.
You can find blankets and pillows everywhere, even on the floor.
Notes and book and highliters and laptops.
Skulls, skeletons, microscope, stetothoscope.
The funny thing is, when one of us studies, the rest will follow to.
If one of us starts to pray, everybody does the same.
One goes to the kitchen and starts cooking and the next, everyone's at the kitchen cooking too.
One falls asleep in the afternoon, all four do too.
Izzah came in because apparently studying alone made her feel sleepy.
So we have been talking and studying and laughing and basically just enjoying each other's company and mind you, we might only have less than a month left to spend with Izzah.
Among the topics we came across tonight :

• How we can make Nasyid better and score more hits at Youtube. By inserting awesome dance moves and so everyone started making weird dance moves and we had a blast laughing.
  
• Dreams and what it might mean.
  
• Nabi Yusuf
• Once everyone's back in Malaysia, the five of us will meet up and spend a whole week going out. Satay, malls, movie, camping.
  
• Pika reminded me that I once told her that I wanted to spend a day at the new OU and go check out as many shops possible. Might do it with Izzah.
  
• Wanted to go to Bandung but then it might be hard because apparently holiday's not that long.
  
• Cheap airline tickets.
• How to judge your own a**.
• Exercise for the butt.
• Romantic stories.
• Learn Mandarin in 5 minutes.
• Renaming names in Mandarin.
• And without noticing, how to appreciate each other. ;)
  

10 Sebab Mengapa Saya Sayang Nazeera Nasir :

1. dia bukan sahaja cantik dan peramah, malah baik hati
2. dia selalu buatkan mac and cheese atau egg sandwhich bila kami lapar
3. dia tidak kisah berkongsi sayur masa makan malam
4. dia selalu stay up dengan saya
5. bila saya sedih, nanti die buatkan banana split
6. dia guna syampu yang sama mcm saya
7. saya boleh bercerita dengan dia.dia akan dengar
8. bila balik malaysia nnt, dia nak bawa kami jalan-jalan
9. sebab die Nazeera Nasir
10. sebab dia buatkan blog baru ni.

:)





p/s: saya memang sayang kamu lah nazeera.i'll pray for you and you-know-who and your finals. ;)

Being a professor with 4 PhDs and earning half a million a month doesn't make you always right and the right to make the world revolve around you.

The saying "aku dah makan garam dulu" doesnt mean that whatever you say, think or do is the best for everyone.

An old beggar who wears ragged clothes, haven't showered in god-knows-how-long, eats bits and crumbs of mouldy bread and walks bare footed with his dry cracked heels may say something wiser than a 80 year old mahaguru who is well known over whatevertopia kingdom.

When a 8 year-old kid says something to you, it doesn't mean it is of less importance.

It doesnt mean what he says is merely the thinking of an 8 year old.

People who goes to college or university may succeed in whatever major they're taking, but no guarantess they will in the school of life.

Ini bukan sindiran untuk sesiapa, it is a reminder, to myself, most importantly.

To never look at who is doing the talking, but the point he is trying to deliver.

One of the things I've learnt over the years is that to never judge a book by its cover.

Haha.Cliche I know, but it's true.

Because first impressions are not always right.

Seriously.

Or at least for me, that is.

Anyways Biochem exam is just 4 days away.Manchester lagi 8 hari.

Jadi bahangnya dah terasa.

Oh jantung, jangan pecah lagi.

Like this morning, when I woke up, they were all studying and it was 10 in the morning.I immediately woke up and started studying. I managed answering a question and was too sleepy to concentrate and went back to sleep. When I woke up, everone was hungry and we ordered Hadaral Maut. Yes, we asked for DELIVERY. Haha.Anyone who needs numbers for delivery, Cook Door, Mo'men, Brema, Pizza King or even Metro, call us. Haha.

Fah is at our place now, reminiscing their Maktab Mahmud days with Pika. She was doing a survey for PCM, wanting to know who is not going back for summer break. Thinking about it, I am a bit worried since the last time I checked for ticket availability online, tickets left are mainly business class. And Izzah just found out that instead of going back on the 5th, she has to go back on the 8th because the flight was fully booked. And Mommy and Ayah wants me back for Ramadhan.

And now I am having second thoughts about buying the internet modem.
Oh, and I want otak2 too.Anyone care to Fed Ex it to Egypt for me? ;)

Hari ni dah 21 Mei.
Saya tak ingat lah exact tarikh die bile.
Tapi kalau tak salah, dlam lingkungan mase ini lah bende tu terjadi.
Ingatkan bende ni hal remeh je.
Takde kesan ape2 pun.
Come on lah, orang laen senang je nak move on.
Ini mungkin belum lagi.
Cuma sekadar maen2.
Sedar tak sedar,dah setahun rupanye.
Perasaan tu dah takde.
Nak kata sakit hati, tak jugak.
Benci? Lagi lah tak.
Geram tu, ade sikit kot.
Tapi yang selebihnye mengharapkan awak sihat sekrang.
Bahagia, dpat masuk tempat yang awak nak tu.
Pergi kejar cita2 awak.
Semoga dpat apa yang di kejarkan.
Dan semoga awak sentisa dilindungi Tuhan. :)

I just finished Oral Anatomy exam just now. Together with Practical Anatmomy and Written Anatomy. So basically I'm done with Anatomy *at least for now* .
Oral exam was unbelievaby. Very brief. And his first question was,
''Where did you buy your watch?''
Hearing that, I laughed and relaxed a bit. The doctor was nice. Very nice. I like him. ;)

Next paper is Written Biochemistry, on the 28th May, which means that I have a week to go all out and study Biochemistry.
Which, I will.
Yes people,
I will.

Ayah has been texting me and asking how I am since I haven't talked to them for a while. Haven't been IM'ing with Mommy and my messages on Facebook arent that long either. So I get that they are worried with what's been happening and all. I wanted to call, but somehow the internet connection has been bad and I can't call. Sorry Mommy and Ayah to worry you guys.

Since it's already May and Naz and Pika will be going back to Malaysia in June and most probably Yuya and I will be going back before Ramadhan or mid Ramadhan and will come back sometime in November, we had to find a new house because juniors are coming in and we decided not to stay at the house we're leaving at. Knocking from door to door, street by street, in the middle of summer is not our idea of house hunting, so decided to use a broker instead. We wanted a house with four bed rooms and after much persuading and argumenting, he showed us a house next to GMN. All the way up at the rooftop. Luckily they have a lift. The house is still under construction, buit it looks nice with it having tiles, a nice kitchen, nice bathroom, spacious rooms and big balcony, we agreed, even though that meant that Pika and I will be sharing the same room and the rent is 1400 LE a month. Abg Nan helped sealed the deal and while waiting for the Baba, who is a Tok Kadi, agree to rent the house with us, we were there to see a couple get married. Nothing like us Malaysians. No fancy dresses, dolled up bride,cameramen with big a*s cameras and families around. Just the couple, clad in jeans and shirt and a camera phone. InsyaALLAH will be moving in by mid June.Hope all goes well.

Ayah called the other day and talked to him for a while and then Mommy went online and chatted for a while. Dapat lah lepas rindu sikit. They want me to be back by the start of Ramadhan, tapi tak tahu lagi lah mcm mane. Tgok dulu.

''Jangan nak surprise2 Mommy ngan Ayah, balik tak nak bagi tahu.Tgok2 kitorang pergi Bandung, raya shopping ke ape, baru tahu nnt.''

Yes ma, will tell you the instance my flight ticket is confirmed. :)

Anyways, although we are all excited about going back to Malaysia and moving, I can't help but feel sad because that means that we will be leaving Izzah.

''Allah, depan block je. Bukan jauh mane pun.'' you may say. But Izzah is like a big sister we all never had. We can tell her anything. anything. And she'll be there for us, like a big sister. She cooks for us whenever we're hungry, talks to us when we're feeling down, wipes our tears when we're crying and does things that a sister would. I'll definitely miss the screaming and laughing and delivering food bile malas nak masak moments. And her. :(

Ohhh and due to exam stress, my housemates are going insane.
Haha.Really.
You would agree if you see the stuffs we say and do.
Its okay, I love them anyways. :)

Mommy,
Happy Mother's Day.
I love you.
Thanks for every single thing.
For always being there for me.
I think this is the first Mother's Day we are not celebrating together.
No fancy cards.
No midnight wishes.
No dinner or lunch together.
No presents.
But it's okay,
You're always in my dreams and prayers.
You take care okay, Mommy.
I miss you.
Muah2.
Cliche, I know.
But you're the best mom one can hope for.

i've been crying a lot these past few days.
trust me, A LOT.
the other day, it was because i felt somehow very sad,down and under pressure.
then it was because i felt like someone was trying to avoid me.
and yesterday was the climax of it all.
Faisal's leaving us.
yeah,he's going back to Malaysia for good so we basicallt cried out hearts out.
and for me,somehow it felt better to let it all out.
cried for god knows how long and dah ramai yang nmpak.
after dinner ramai2,went home and decided to sleep since my head was pounding, pressure jatuh and kepale rase berat yang teramat sngat.
i went to bed at 11 but kept tossing and turning and finally did sleep at around 1.
but then i had all sorts of dreams and kept waking up and sleeping back meant another dream.
one was about faisal, about the four of us, arif, a gathering like the one we had at gmn just now, but a place i cant recall then it was something about my family back home.
waking up every hour and having weird dreams isn't exactly my idea of f good night's sleep.
rosal left me a missed call at around 2 but definitely was not in the mood to talk.
and i called him at 9.
so yeah.
by 3, i just couldnt stand it anymore and decided not to sleep.
naz was still awake, she just finished editing her blog and was all excited showing me her new layout.
but me still stoned, tired,restless and sleepy wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
haha.
it's awesome naz.i love it. :)
so yeah, arif, muaz and a few others are gonna try persuading his parents to let him stay.
or at least sit for the finals.
am really hoping he'll stay.
because he's more than a friend to us.
more like a brother.
without him,it'll be dysfunctional family-1.
faisal,
things just wouldn't be the same without you.
you're like a rock we all lean on and hold on tight to.
no matter how emotionally unstable we get, you're always there to point things out to us.
it just wouldn't be the same.
what if i get my heart broken again?
what if we lose faith?
what if one day we miss you so badly?
there is just so many what if's.
i know fadzil said ' setiap pertemuan ade perpisahan',
and abg nan and azam said this might be the best for you.
but still. :(





''not anytime soon.''
''i'll wait for him at the airport when you guys come back for summer break.''
whats that suppose to mean,cye?
see?
we need you.
i need you.
hmm.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone


things have been hectic.and crazy.and fun.and weird.
unforgettable,definitely.
but things always happen for a reason.

it's always the darkest before dawn. :)

hari tu dah elok demam.
beberapa hari saya bersuka ria.
balik dari Nusan semalam,
lepak di tangga dengan Yuya.
pukul 11.30,rasa mcm dah terlmpau sejuk.
saya ajak Yuya naek,balik rumah.
smpai di rumah,terus rase mcm nak demam.
pukul 12 dah tidur.
awal tersangat-sangat.
sepanjang malam meringkuk,
sbb terlampau sejuk.
sampai 2 lapis selimut.
bgun jam 6 pagi.
kepala rasa berat,
tekak rase lain.
Yuya ngan Naz ade kat luar.
Yuya buat sarapan,
French Toast.
makan sekeping,tapi tak lalu.
makan ubat,
tukar seluar,
berselubung kembali.
terjage balik jam 1.
Naz kejut ajak makan.
tanak.
nak duduk rumah.
rase mcm dah okay.
buka facebook,check email,berchatting.
turun ambil photostat soalan past years.
balik, Yuya masak nasi.
buat la sup ayam.
tapi tak habes.
tgok ayam tu pun rase nak termuntah.
bila makan,tak payah ckp la.
dah cuba abiskan,tapi tak dpat.
akhirnye terpaksa buang nasi dan sup ayam.
tidur balik,
mintak tolong Yuya kejutkan untuk smyang Maghrib.
banyak kali Yuya kejut,
tapi tak larat nak bangun.
akhirnye bila smue orang da balik,
dan Naz pun da masuk kejutkan sembahyang,
bangun untuk sembahyang.
tapi sekarng ni da rase feverish balik.
exam finals tak smpai seminggu lagi.
macam mana ni?
:(

SICK.

That's why I haven't been blogging this few days.


Sekian, harap maklum.

Hari ni kene marah. Because I am not studying hard enough.

Fine.

Slaps self very hard.

Ouch.

Tapi bak kate Zan, "macam mane kalau saye mati lemas dalam timbunan buku-buku ni?''


Haih.Here goes.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this Earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

It's 6.18 in the morning and no,it's not dark.
I havent slept yet, because it was one heck of a night.

I made su'un,but something, somehow, somewhere went wrong and it didnt taste good. My cooking's not that awful, my housemates are still breathing after 7 months of having to eat what I made them every Thursday. But then, maybe it was just the other half of me, the one who wanted pizza so badly.

I called Faisal and askedif he wanted to go to Pizza King, a local pizza parlor, but he had a semayang hajat thing going on so we decided to go some other time. While trying to eat my so-called-meal, I just couldnt eat it and decided to go to Pizza Hut since we can just take a cab and it'll be way safer rathar than walking along dark alleys and Galak. So I went with Pika, yes, just the two of us. I wanted Stuffed Crust Pizza so badly, I didn't mind having a regular pizza, since they dont have personal pizza's for stuffed crust. I didn't finish it. Brought it home. Decided to go to Nike and Caj since Pika's looking for a birthday present for someone. Nothing interesting in Nike and Caj was closed. Went back home.

Yuya and Pika have been wearing kain batik for a couple of nights, and Naz usually goes to bed in one. So took out my mom's kain batik and insisted that Naz teach me how to wear it. Pika came out and we started playing with the kain batik. Yuya came out after she heard the noise, and we grabbed selendangs and camwhored. Until Shabs and Asadah called,wanting us to go to Cafe Cafe as well. At first, I decided not to, because I just got back and wanted to just sit quietly at home, so Naz went with Faisal. Not long after that, I wanted bananas so buzzed Aceng to go to the fruit stall with me. Decided to join them at Cafe Cafe and realized that Shabs coloured her hair. The same colour as her mobile. Pfft Shabs. Haha. :D :D Faisal left early, so Aceng had to bear hearing us talk about stuffs. Makeup,sales,mall,hair,etc. We went back at 1 in the morning.


Then it was Asadah's turn to colour her hair.When I got to their house, Shabs was half way through and I just finish off whats left. Was very sleepy by then, but I wanted to stay up, practically fell asleep on Asadah's bed, so Shabs made me a cup of coffee. Yes, that's how sweet Shabs is. :) Waited for Asadah to wash her hair and helped her dry her hair. It turned out nice. We could open a salon. Haha. So went back home with Naz, *bdw,their place is on the ground floor,and ours is on the fifth floor*. Naz went to bed after Isya' and everybody's still sleeping. I am trying to study Biochem. Exam's less than a month away and I am really nervous. And just so you know, I have no confidence for Anat. Nada, nil, zero. Gosh. Will have to work my way if I want to get back home.

Here's the timetable.

Anatomy

• Essay : 14th May
• Oral : 20th May

Biochemistry

• Essay : 28th May
• Oral : 30th May

Physiology

• Essay : 13th June
• Oral : 19th June

Histology

• Essay : 25th June
• Oral : 29th June

English

• 5th June

*slaps self hard*

I watched the walls around me crumble
But it's not like I won't build them up again
So here's your last chance for redemption
So take it while it lasts, cause it will end
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I'm dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it's over
Cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go
Don't want to be the last to know

I won't be the one to chase you
But at the same time
You're the heart that I call home
I'm always stuck with these emotions
And the more I try to feel, the less I'm whole
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I’m dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it’s over
Cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won't be right if were not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I’ll be the first to go, yeah, I’ll be the first to go
Don’t want to be the last to know (over, over, over)

My tears are turning into time I’ve wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I’m dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it’s over
Cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won't be right if were not in it together
Tell me that it's over
Tell me that it's over, over
Honestly tell me, honestly tell me
Don't tell me that it's over
Don't tell me that it's over





One text message.
One call.
One email.
One offline message.
It's all that I'm asking for.




p/s : don't leave me hanging.

There were Frosties and Corn Flakes on the shelf, apart from Smacks. But why did I take Smacks instead?

1. I wanted Rice Krispies, but they ran out if stock.
2. Smacks sounded cool.
3. Wnted to try something new,to invigorate the senses.

Pffft.


The results?


It tasted like burnt pecans eaten with milk.

I added slices of banana to help finish up a whole bowl of it but did it help? No.

Izzah tried and she said it tastes awful.

Pika said it tastes nice, but looks like little bugs swimming and asked me to imagine eating little bugs with milk. It being crunchy and all. -.-'' Pika finished it.

I bought a BIG box of it,and it costs me LE 30. I don't think I can finish it. Didnt mean to waste, but I just can't eat it. Will be giving Pika the cereal since she likes it.


Moral of the story, stick to cereals you know tastes good.

I hate doing the laundry.
Enough said.
I've been procrastinating to do my laundries forha the past two weeks and now its all piled up. Like piled so high, am having headache just looking at it. So decided to do my laundry. Right now. But apparently, there's LOTS that needs to be washed. Jeans, shirts,baju kurungs, bedsheet, towel, you name it. So most probably 4 rounds baru all will be done. And have I mentioned how much I ''like'' doing the laundry? I'd rather cook, iron, clean the whole house, scrub the toilet, run errands all day long or even mow the lawn. Anything, that soesn't involve having to do the laundry. It's not that I am lazy r anything, but do you know, there's just at least one thing that you just simpy do not want to do? Well,mine's doing the laundry.I wish I was back in school, where dear Mak Cik Siti was there. Early morning, before going to school, drop by my laundry at the washing room and having it washed and ironed. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I dont like doing the laundry. And the fact that the washing machine we're using now doesn't have a spinner, bummer. 4 loads. Enough said.

To whom it may concern :

No worries, whatever it is,

No matter how tough it'll be,

No matter how depressing it can be at times,

No matter how hard it is to just follow the flow

As long as we have each other's backs,

We'll make it through somehow.

I love you guys.

You guys know who you are.

p/s : tough times don't last,tough people do. :)

''seriously by,what's stopping you?''

''sanity.''

saya rindu kamu lah, Cik Zarina. :(

p/s : i like this picture of you. ;)

Some things are just not worth the fight.and some are worth risking all that you have.

Days have been weird,hectic and fun. Have been talking to my mom and dad. And I sure do miss home, but am still not sure about going back to Malaysia for the summer break. Spending it in UK or somewhere else sure did cross my mind. But I haven't decided. At least not yet. Might think about it later, because thinking about it now, it drains my energy.Just realized that exam's just around the corner. *yes,do slap me hard* so am trying my best to cope with all that's happening. Trying to stay up all night with Shabs,Naz,Pika. Trying to absorb as much as our brain would let us to. But looking at piles and piles of thick, thick books, makes us wanna curl up in a ball and just slip away. At times, I do sit back and think. What if I studied hard enough for SPM,would life be easier? Should I have stayed back in Malaysia? What if I agreed to UK, how different would my life be? To be honest, I didnt dream of becoming a doctor since I was a kid, like some of the people here. And no, my parents didn't make me take up medicine. They even tried to talk me out of it. But anyhow, I know that whatever path I am taking, they'll always be there for me. Even if they don't say it to me at times, I just know. Somehow, I just woke up from bed one day and said, ''Send me to Egypt.'' And the next thing I knew, I was surrounded by a whole new environment. One I never dreamt of. Not once, in my life.

I still remember, how Pudding was worried one night and he asked me before going to bed. ''Kaklong, what if one day, I don't remember you anymore?'' Coming from a 7 year old, it should be hilarious, but it somehow occured to me as a sincere question, one that has been playing in his head for quite a while. I know how much Ayah sacrifised for me, and for us. I know how hard life has been for him, and how he wanted us to grow up with all that we needed and not wanting to spoil us. And I know how worried Mommy and Ayah is of letting me go all the way half across the globe all by myself *basically* knowing how I am. But I know this is something that I have to go through, though different from all the people I know who goes to US and having a blast. * I saw the pictures. wink wink * And I know that somehow, I can't compare myself with you guys, earning scholarships and making it all the way till now. I do look up to all of you. And how hard Atok Ipoh, Atok KL, Opah Ipoh and Atok KL worked when the days were hard and life was tough. Truly, you guys are the reason that I try my hardest to keep afloat and not drown.

And Ayah, if you're reading this *I know you eventually will*, I still keep the letter you gave me at the airport, before I boarded the plane. Though it's just a 2 page letter, it means a lot to me. A LOT. I do read it whenever I feel down, sad, discouraged or am just simply missing you. I think that's the first letter you ever wrote for me, *birthday cards don't count, Ayah. :D :D * and no matter how many times I've read it, it still touches my heart knowing how much you do care and love. I've said this many times, but I never get bored or tired saying it over and over again. You are my hero. I have always, and will always look up to you. There's no man that can compare to you. You simply are the best and I love you. And i sure miss you. More than you can ever imagine. And do remember, I will always be your little girl. The one who shares candies with you, and wears that yellow boxer. with writings at the back. *yes,i still do remember it*. Haha.Haha, emo much? May be due to unstablilised hormones during this period of the month or the sugar rush am having right now. Anyways, we'll be having Solat Hajat tonight at the rooftop and rewang las night was fun. I learnt how to make kuih keria and stayed up till 3 in the morning with Yuya and Naz making fruit jellies. Can't wait for tonight. :)

Abg Hassan went back to Malaysia for good with his wife and son, so basically am all alone now. Haha. Being dramatic. I thought of going to Alex to see them or at the airport but basically couldnt because there was a miscommunication since i thought it was next week, but turned out this week, so due to short notice, everybody's busy and going to Cairo all alone at night sounds creepy.

Talk about creepy,all we do nowadays involve creepy ghost stories and frightening sounds. All sorts of stories are being told, from real life experience, boarding school stories and even googling ghost stiroes online. The result? Scared to even look at lampposts and trees and hating the dark and having all this imaginations running wild. Like all the time, especially at night.

And Naz making creepy sounds like yesterday when we were walkin to Wekalah at midnight, and suddenly hearing a creepy-growling-hissing-moan behind your shoulder in a dark alley made my heart stopped. Seriously. If she does that again, I'll punch her. Hard.

Anyways, I gotta go. Lots of stuff to be done, my laundry's piling up, Biochemistry test next Tuesday, final's in a month. Sighs. Oh, and good luck to all fellow comrades from the Manchester program for your midsem exam on Sunday. :)

Today's not a good day for me.
I don't even know why.
I feel that people are being hot and cold and it's driving me insane.
Then again.
I might be wrong.

Did lot's of thing to cheer myself up.
Buying things to make me feel better at Wekalah.
And just talking.

I miss home.
Sighs.

It's 2.39 in the morning and I'm still reading about erythrocyte sedimentation rate. Lots more to go and I have practical exam tomorrow at 2. Planned to stay up until 5 and sleep in till 9. Will be goint for Histo and Biochem class and all practical classes. But then, I am now having stomach cramp and I bet it'll worsen by tomorrow morning. Am now having doubts about being able to go and see jars and sit 8 hours straight in class. Will see how it goes tomorrow.

Anyways,been studying with Shabs and Naz at the living room. Yesterday, I spent the whole night reading about Pulmonary Function Tests. Tonight we studied more than we played but at times, we would be singing 90s songs and Naz cooked at 1 in the morning.We were all very sleepy by 10 that Naz made a whole jug of coffee and we finished it in less than half an hour. Shabs even brought gummy worms and we were hoping to get sugar rush so we'd be all hyper and concentrating. Pfft.

So yeah, it's freaking cold, the living room is full with books, bags, stationaries and lots of stuff to keep us awake. Naz and Shabs even you-tubed cats to keep them wide awake. Yes, thats how desperate we are to stay awake.

kenapa awak tergamak tipu saya?
saya percayakan awak.
lebih dari yang awak tahu.
saya sayangkan awak.
lebih juga dari yang awak tahu.

ape awak cakap,saya terima.
saye pejamkan mata dan saya percaya.
sebab tak pernah terlintas dalam hati awak akan tergamak buat begitu.

kadang-kadang bile sedang berjalan,
terasa macam nampak kelibat awak di hujung sana.

bile duduk seorang diri,
teringat apa yang awak pernah cakap.

bile duduk dengan kawan-kawan.
mengharap awak masih ade dengan saya.

sekali sekala sebelum nak tidur,
rasa macam nak call awak cakap selamat malam.

bila bangun pagi,
terus tgok handphone.
ingatkan ade message dari awak.
bile tgok takde ape2,
baru saya tersedar dan terus bangun.

bila tengok sekeliling,
ade je benda yang mengingatkan kite kat awak.
kadang2 rasa mcm dengar suara awak pun ada.
rasa mcm boleh gile dibuatnye.

kawan-kawan suruh kite bangkit.
pandang depan.
jangan toleh dah.
semua bukti dah ade depan mata.
ape lagi yang saya nak?
dah takde ape2 untuk saya dari awak.

tapi kadang2,
saya toleh ke belakang jugak.
benda2 kecil tu la yang buat saya tersenyum.
bende2 kecil tu la yang saya hidup dengan bertahun lamenye.

awak sihat?
awak dah makan?
awak tak sakit lagi kan?
awak belajar mcm mane?
saya harap awak bahagia sekarang.

*da la tu.tak yah fikir dah,buat penat diri sendiri je.*

things to be done:

• tgok smue jar for anatomy
• claim buku anatomy kat department
• pergi pharmacy dengan sthethoscope
• pinjam microscope and slides for histo
• pinjam tulang
• bawak salinan passport and photostat more
• unknown solutions
• habeskan bace physio by sunday
• past year starting sunday petang
• jumpe amu hamdi pasal umah
• topup italk n hotlink
• siapkan lukisan histo
• basuh baju
• pergi alex next friday
• bawak ipod pegi alex nak passkan balik
• beli notes kat maktabah
• bawak baju ke alex
• hantar card for erra

saya dah pernah gembira.
saya dah pernah menangis.
saya dah pernah merangkak.
saya dah pernah berlari.


saya pernah bercinta.
saya pernah dikecewakan.
saya pernah berharap.
saya pernah putus asa.
saya pernah percaya.
saya pernah kena tipu.

saya bersuka ria.
saya kene marah.
saya dapat duit.
saya belanjakan.

tapi sekarang dah ade misi baru.
kene tunaikan walau pun susah.
saya akan cuba.
:)

Semalam birthday kakak-kakak bulatan pintar kami,Kak Umi dan Kak Aimi. Kami plan pesta hari jadi. Izzni dengan rumah die pegi cari hadiah, kami pegi cari kek. Cari kat El-Baron lah,mane lagi.Hadiah hari jadi : jubah.Beli kat tepi Sg Nil. Kami tunggu kat Nusan smpai saya tertido. Diorang baru nak smyang asar. Setelah sekian lame,kami berkumpul dan pergi rumah diorang. Kononnye, kejutan hari lahir dari adik2. Smpai2,call Kak Aimi, mintak tolong balingkan kunci rumah. Naek atas, tunggu dalam gelap. Bile Kak Umi dtang, kitorang nyanyi. Lepas tu duduk, kitorang plan nak smyang Maghrib kat rumah, tanak menyusahkan Kak Umi sbb lagipun Kak Umi ade tuition jap lagi. Smentare tunggu musyrif, kitorang maen amik2 gambar.

Hari tu plak birthday Sabby. Ade kejutan jugak, kat Cafe2. Makan sngat sedap, lepas tu kitorang duduk smpai pukul 2 pagi, mengeratkan silaturrahim sesame kawan. :)

Lepas tu tadi menjalankan salah satu misi, study group. Dengan Yuya, Shabby. Lepas Naz makan,die pun join. Kami belajar Electrocardiogram :) Jam 12, Pika suruh siap, nak gerak ke block A. Jadi umpan untuk kejutan hari jadi Jimmy pulak. Duduk2 borak2 kat abwah, diorang baling air ngan kicap basi dari atas. Lepas tu baling tepung. And sembur campuran telur, air, kicap dan susu. Hasilnye, Jimmy snagt busuk. Lepas makan2 cake dan amik gmbar, decide nak balik. So Jimmy dan Falah hantar balik.

Sekarang ni cadangnye nak belajar. Tapi bile dah duk sorang2,segale jenis bende nak terfikir. Buat serabut kepale sendiri je. Last2,sedih sorang2. Haihh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIMMY! :)

to give out what we told you is one thing.
to lie in front of our faces is one thing.
to betray our trust is one thing.
but to twist and manipulate stories is another.

there is a fine line between being jealous,revengeful and hurt.

now that you got what you wanted, I hope your happy.

because I certainly am, without you.

I know I've dissapointed you more than once.
I know I've broken both your hearts more than once.
I know how high your hopes and dreams are.
I may not be the brightest star to shine among the bunch.
I may not be the one you can be proud of all the time.
But do know.
I will always give my very best.
I will always look up to you.
And I will always love you both.
Dearly,with all my heart.

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers in their blog.
B. Tag 3 people to do this quiz.

1. What have you been doing recently?
Studying about Respiration.

2. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
On board a plane.

3. What happened at 10 am today?
Just got back from class.

4. When did you last cry?
Erm. When I laughed real hard. Sometime last week I guess.

5. Believe in fate/destiny?
In a way, I do.

6. What do you want in your life now?
For things to stay the same. Pass my exams. Fly back home.

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put up your hood?
Just put up my hood. If I'm wearing one at the moment, that is.

8. What's your favourite thing to do on bed?
Reading. Talking.

9. What bottoms are you wearing now?
Haha.

10. What's the nicest thing in your inbox?
A message about getting married. I guess.

11. Do you tend to make the relationship complicated?
I am not engaged to any relationships at the moment.

12. Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone at the moment?
Nope.

13. What was the last movie you caught?
Death Race.

14. What are you proud of?
As in Now, and where I am, I would have to say Malaysia.

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
Am not gonna write it down here. A text from a friend in Alexandria.

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Erm. Ntah la.

17. Do you have any nicknames?
Yes.

18. What does the newest text say?
Aaaaa. Something bout someone telling me bout marriage. Enough said.

19. What time did you go to bed last night?
Around midnight.

20. Are you currently happy?
More like sleepy.

21. Who gives you the best advise?
My very own conscience.

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
Nope.

23. Who did you talk to on the phone last night?
Friends. Acquitances.

24. Is something bugging you now?
Yes. Cepat la online!

25. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Orang yang saya bercakap di phone dengan tadi.





Sorry Pika, second survey tak leh nak wat sbb nnt smue soalan pun jawapan die tinggal tempat kosong, sbb takde calon yang di fikirkan kalau nak jawab tag tu. Sorry. :D

My class was from 8 in the morning till 6 in the evening today and by the time I got back, am drained, tired and exhausted. *exaggerated much?* Anyways,on the way back, got hit by a taxi. Again. It was only the side mirror, but i was shocked. Enough said. And I just realised that exam's just around the corner, and I don't wanna fail and have to repeat or carry any paper. So I guess I have to start working hard right away. So am gonna start studying tonight. I will. RESPIRATION. And since class starts at 11 tomorrow, I might stay up and do some studying. :) I learnt something else today. That when you get jealous or mad or pretend not to care, u actually do.

Quote Naz :

It's okay
Awww
Cmon
Just because I love my parents
Doesn't mean I don't get pissed at them
It's perfectly normal
To be angry is to care.
You are angry cause you care what they say/do to you
I get pissed too sometimes
But i just think about how much i throw away if i dwell on it

So yeah, I love you. :)




p/s : thanks naz for editing my blog for me the second time. *kisses*

liar liar.

pants on fire.

How to Detect Lies

Become a Lie Detector

Introduction to Detecting Lies:

The following techniques to telling if someone is lying are often used by police, and security experts. This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.

Warning: Sometimes Ignorance is bliss; after gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you.

Signs of Deception:

Body Language of Lies:

• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.
• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.
• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.
Emotional Gestures & Contradiction
• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.
• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.
• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”
• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.




Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.
• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.
• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.
Verbal Context and Content
• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”
•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.
• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.
• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In otherwords, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

Other signs of a lie:
• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.
• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.
Final Notes:
Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.

or,you can just google up his name and let the pieces fit.

17th February 2009

It's 1 in the morning and I just got back from GMN with Pika. Abg Nasir and Leya's birthday celebration. It was fun, Abg Nan made Nasi Minyak. After quite a while,baru dpat makan. Haha. Got creamed, as usual. Pak Joe siap kunci pintu tanak bagi sesiapa kluar. Then the usual, telur, cream, cake, snow spray. Luckily kene cream and spray je. No eggs. :) We excused ourselves agak awal la gak sbb was getting sleepy and Pika nak study.

And all of sudden, teringat kat Erra. I do wonder how is she coping up with studies and chores. Hope she manages well and fits in. And hope she's having fun there. I promise you sis, when I get back, I'll drive all the five hours drive on weekends to see you. To tell you the truth, I did get worried when you told me you wanted to go all the way north to Kubang Pasu. I was freaking worried. You can ask my friends. They even told you that. I know. It's not that I don't trust you, but it's just that I love you too much and maybe I still think of you as my little sister who needs me to guide you all the way through. I forgot that you have grown up, and matured beyond your years.


I admit that over the years, I have had my share of ups and downs. You've seen me doing a lot of things, some which I regret, even today. And some I want you, Afiz and Azif to achieve as well, or better than what I have achieved. Afiz, if you are reading this, I know how high you can soar. You can achieve better than me. And that IS what I want you to do. Do better than me. I had my share of fun, and somehow I think it went out of control and without knowing, I was off track. I know you have a strong willpower, stronger than mine. Stay focus and achieve what I didn't manage to achieve. Never doubt yourself, not even for a second, because I have no doubts at all that Afiz, Erra and Azif will do well in your lifes, insyaALLAH.



Do know that though at times, I might not be the best sister for the three of you. I might not be the greatest role model for you. And I might not be the one to tell you guys what to do. But do know, and always remember, that whatever it is, I will always have your backs. All three of you. And though sometimes, I may not tell you guys this, I love you. All of you. Equally. With all my heart. My prayers will always be with you. May ALLAH guide you through every step, along the way. And if you need a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to hold or simply to just look back while you're running, I'll be there. Always.

Hugs and kisses from faraway,

Kaklong. <3

this song has been playing in my mind for quite some time now.
i don't even know why.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1-SgtC9O9M

All i ever wanted was to love you
Girl I never meant to cause you pain
And I only have myself to blame
Now you're gone and I can't stop thinking of you
Every time I hear your name
I think of what I've done again and again
See I'm all alone tonight with just a memory
And baby you're a million miles away
I can't take another day
If I ain't got you
I ain't got anything
It just dont feel the same
If I ain't got you
I ain't got anything
Can't even feel the pain
If I ain't got you
I remember when we were together
I remember how you used to say
There's nothing I could do to turn you away
I know, I know that things have changed forever
If I look into your eyes
All I see now is tears
If I could, I would pick up teh pieces of ur broken heart
And put it back together
A nd I would, I would hold you in my arms till the burning stops
And stay right here forever.

so i've been tagged by my dearest housemate,naz and i have to write 25 random things about myself.haha.what a way to kill time. :)



1. Whenever I get sad, I want an ice cream. Basically because back home, I usually eat ice cream with my family. Like ramai2. So, it reminds me of those happy times. So, whenever i'm sad,or feeling down, I want an ice-cream to cheer me up.



2. I deleted what i wrote because Pika thinks that the boyfriend is not to be blamed, except for what he did in the first place and blames the girlfriend instead, But Yuya and I think, They are both to be blamed. One for being such a pain in the you-know-where and second for listening to whatever the girlfriend has to say. Bak kate Pika, "Pak Turut". And the girlfriend for lying and thinking that we are these puppets she can toy around with.



3. I cant consume food with much dairy product anymore. I used to like ruz bilaban, particularly this old uncle's, who sells it by pushing a cart past our block. But once, I ate it and ended up puking. So now, I can't have it anymore.



4. I share a room with my little sister back home, and at times, felt like kicking her out. *sorry,erra. :) * But now, there's nobody in this world I'd rather share my room with, besides her.



5. I don't like doing laundries. Eversince i remembered.



6. When I like something, I stick to it. Like if we're gonna eat at Secret Recipe, I'll order Viatnamese Noodle and if we're having Baskin, i'll choose Mint Chocolate Chip.



7. It's hard for me to trust people nowadays and when I trust someone, I really2 trust him/her.



8. I sleep with the lights on and having someone else close. It makes me feel safe.



9. Since I was born on Christmas, I have this theory. I always tell my family what I want. People tell others what they want for Christmas, so I guess it's okay.



10. I am a bad driver. I hate having to park the car. I nearly crashed more than twice, and I did hit a petrol pump. SERIOUSLY. Naseb baek only the garbage can got hit. DLow was shouting, and the Bangla's came running to see if the garbage can was okay. sighs.



11. I like baking. And my adek-adek LOVES Chocolate Chip Cookies and before I left, I thought Erra how to bake it.

12. I enjoy going out. It's not that I don't like staying at home, but I like being outside. Anywhere. Even if it's just walking to the bakery or 7 E.

13. When I was 8, I nearly drowned myself in a pool because my cousin brother left me in the adults pool and to save myself, i grabbed hold of someone's bikini and i didnt know what happened next but i do remember she was really shocked and when she saw me gasping for her, i think her boyfriend pulled me out then i cried and my cousin came over and bought me ice cream.

14. For my 14th birthday, I insisted on Chocolate Marshmallow cake and it turned out, it was not cake, it was chocolate mousse and nobody wanted to eat it, so I had to finish the whole cake by myself and it took me two weeks.

15. Whenever I have a physical fight with my sister, she tends to kick me and hard. And it hurts, and i try very hard not to cry, and pull her hair instead. Then, I'll sit and think back and regret and kiss her when she's asleep.

16. It's only number 16 and i have been sitting here for nearly an hour.

17. My siblings and i enjoy reading and we like buying books, instead of borrowing them. So we spend quite a lot on books, and it's cool that our parents are cool with it.

18. My family and I enjoy eating bulgogi, dim sum and seafood. They're delicious.

19. I tend to look at people's hands. I think a lot can be told just by the hands.

20. I really like the song and the dance routine. Call me jiwang or anything, but this song means a lot to me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_8vUXHoErs&feature=related

21. I've never been so close to my mom, but nowadays I just miss her and my dad so much, so I basically tell my mom everything. But not my dad, segan lah. But I always text him, from time to time.

22. I've always looked up at my dad, still is and will always do.

23. I'm helpless when it comes to gadget. Laptop, desktop, iPod, you name it.

24. I like coconut meat, not then water. When I had chickenpox, I had to drink coconut water, but I flushed it down the toilet. Mommy, Ayah, if you're reading this, sorry. I did try and drink it. 2 3 sips each time, but I didn't like it. :(

25. One of the best books I've read is The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult.

today it was my turn to cook.

so i made porridge *penuh dengan kaseh sayang taoh* and ate dinner.

god,we miss izzah.terribly.cepat la balek wahai kakak kami.

so it turned out that erra got accepted into MRSM Kubang Pasu and I feel kinda bad for her,knowing how much she wanted TKC.

so at first,she was very reluctant.VERY.ayah texted me n pika,naz and i immediately googled it.den i talked erra into going,even though i myself am being hesitant.i know she's 13 and she needs to grow up, toughen up,be more matured and learn to be more control of her life,but she is still my little sister.she always will be.and apparently,mommy worries about it as much as i do.n the fact that that place is 5 hours drive from my house,doesnt make us feel better.so i told erra all the pros and cons,and apparently after much thinking,she decided to go for it.

i have no idea how life will treat her there,but she will always be in my prayer.and i know mommy feels sad,and lonely,as we are all not at home,except for pudding. and he will either be playing the ds,ps,surf the net or watch tv shows.n yeah,i miss having ding close to me.and the fact that erra will be at boarding school,it means she won't have her cell,she cant im me and i cant talk to her as frequent.n m suddenly missing home badly.and that one biatch isnt helping brighten my mood either.n what faisal told me in the cab boggled my mind.a bit.but it still boggled me.i told mommy wats happening around me lately,n she says that we should just hang in here,cos one day, the truth will prevail.

so i have only one paper left,the dreaded biochemistry.

we had a two day gap after anatomy.

and i wanted to score biochem badly.

but on monday,i started feeling sick.

when i burp,it tasted like puke *seriously*,my stomach growled like mad,my head pounded and i had to go to the toilet a lot of times.

i've had this before and it ain't nice.

really.

the last time i had it,kak nadia gave me some pills to ease it.

before that,i had i when i first came to egypt n i had to stay in bed for 3 days.

so,while we were halfway through the movie "wanted",we decided to go the hospital and it was half past midnight.

pika,naz,faisal,rosal and i.

since yuya was already sleeping and i didnt want to wake her up.

we went to SALAB and the doctor said i had colloids.

and hypotension.

and i am now lactose intolerant.

so i had to stay at the hospital till 4 in the morning for a bag of iv and an injection.

sweet.

the next day,while they were all out,i stayed at home with yuya.

while we were studying,we heard the amu who sells the best ruz billaban *milk and rice,its an egyptian dish i guess* we've ever tasted.

so,being me n yuya,we ran for our purse and basically ran all the way down from the fifth floor in our pyjamas.

we bought four and had two each.

after i finished my share,i started feeling dizzy and started puking.

great,we forgot bout the milk part.

hari ni izzah balik malaysia.we sent her till d gate n wauted for the tramco together with her friends. then faisal lalu, faisal pun lepak sekali. smpai tramco dtang, peluk2. menanges kejap. faisal record. selekeyh! den bile naek atas,masuk bilik izzah. ade note die tinggalkan. izzah balik malaysia sebulan. LAMENYE. haih.takpela.will be counting the days. :( izzah, enjoy balik! :)

bdw,tomorrow manchester program start exam.d day after tomorrow,kitorang.gosh,cuak.

the best of luck, loves.

and izzah, if you're reading this,we are missing you already.

and erra, goodluck fo your interview.

break a leg.

Aku pernah, jatuh cinta

Kerana cinta diriku merana

Aku pernah bahagia

Kata manisnya buat ku terpedaya

Biarkan aku temankan pilu

Haruskah cinta oh kejam padaku

i'll never trust u again.

they say,

owner of a lonely heart is much better than owner of a broken heart.

i never believed it.

but now i do.

but its okay.

i won't fall.

i'll bounce.

i'll fly.

and soar higher than you can ever imagine.

hari ni mood saye tak baek.

bgun2 pagi dah cranky.

sbb saye tido lantai.

da la lantai tu sejuk.

keras.

sekarang ni tgah winter.

bile masuk bilik nak sambung tido pun tak bleh.

jadi pagi2 lagi saya dah cranky.

kluar dari bilik,naz bangun.

mengamuk2 sbb die tgah marah.

lagi la jadi baran.

pastu yuya plak kuar.

yuya pun jadi marah.

pika kluar.

naseb baek pika tak cakp ape2.

cube nak study.

kepale sngat pening.

msuk bilik yuya,dengar cite naz.

trus rase nak muntah.

pastu yuya nak masak.

mule2 kami ckp tak payah.

pastu pika ngan naz marah.

okay,fine.

pastu masuk bilik,baring atas katil pika ngan yuya n tido.

smpai da nak dekat berbuke.

pastu makan.

malam pun ade orang cari pasal kat ym.

so marah lagi.

ape2 la.

happy bday yuya my darling. :)

ure 19 now.

getting old.

more responsibilities.

wiser.

and tougher.

i hope d party we had for u at pizza party,

and throwing eggs and flour at u in d middle of d nite,

by the nile river,

will be one of the many nights u'll cherish.

whenever ure feeling down,

or feel like d world is turning its back on u,

remember dat u'll still have us.

u'll still have me.

all d best wishes for u,

herein and hereafter.

may God bless u.

n be with u always.

guiding ur every step.

lots of love.

:)

happy sweet 19th yuya my darling.

semalam yuya snagt gembira.

sbb bean finally online setekah sekian lame n dey im'ed each other.

den naz got pissed off.

atas sebab2 tertentu.

den malam tu.

pika helped me with my fringe.

n naz decided to cut hers as well.

i said.

how about bangs?

n it turned out well.

despite us laughung our heads off.

pika accidentally cut her sideburns.

and injured her eyelids.

den we made naz wear a necklace n tie her hair.

she looked lovely.

oh bobot. :)

hahaha.

so we had late nite dinner at welatain.

walked back home.

it was freezing.

decided to go to sleep.

den nak kluar balik tak boleh.

mama da kunci gate.

sorry. :(

ym ngn mye.

told her wat happened last nite.

m now waiting for titi.

pastu mommy buzz.

cerite2 dengan mommy.

okay mommy,i know.but at least i am trying.but at times,its just hard.

n naz is trying her best to open d jar of strawberry jam.

yuya balik tuition dengan hadiah dari titi.

ROTI PRATA.

terima kaseh athirah rosli.

semoga kamu dimurahkan rezeki.

so now i dah tau exam masuk smpai mane.

gosh,abes la.lotsa catching up to be done.

semalam cakap2 ngan pika.

maybe tak pegi mane2 winter break.

settlekan keje sket kat cairo.

maybe.

masih dalam perancangan.

:)

loving my girlfriends.

sometimes.

we annoy each other.

we bug each other.

we fight over d last piece of chocolate.

sometimes.

our mood swings are just simpy ridiculous.

we get mad over d simplest matter.

sometimes.

we push each other and fight for the mirror.

sometimes.

we shout at each other.

and end up sulking.

sometimes.

we joke around.

but the jokes arent funny at times.

sometimes.

we say the stupidest thing aloud.

and not realising.

dat it might hurt.

standing in front of the mirror and sharing eyeliners,lipsticks and makeups.

rummaging through each other's wardrobe.

laughing and rolling on the floor.

telling stories and sharing secrets.

camwhoring.

singing out loud and dancing like no one's watching.

acting goofy.

crying our hearts out.

walking in the cold at 3 in the morning.

getting burns now and then at only-we-know-where.

eating snacks late at night.

drifting to sleep at the break of dawn.

day dreaming.

chocolates never tasted tastier.

crying never felt better.

jokes never felt funnier.

dreams never felt sweeter.

hopes never looked so possible.

i love you girls.

dearly.

:)

malam semalam kami semua tido lambat.

saya,naz,yuya dan pika.

tido lepas sahur.lepas subuh.

jadi hasilnya,kami bangun lmbat.

darl called at 8 *i think*.

tapi malangnye kami tido.

at least aku jawab fone,naz lagi la.

langsung tak sedar ape.

bangun kul 11 *kot*.

yuya baru lepas mandi,tgah basuh baju.

tgok laptop.

mommy buzz.

buzz balik.

mommy tak jawab.

10 minutes lepas tu,mommy nye status da idle.

mommy pegi amik erra balik sekolah kot.

setengah jam lepas tu,mommy tak buzz lagi.

tak lame lepas tu,mommy dah sign out.

alaaaa.

takpe la.

saya tunggu mak saya online.

tapi tak online dah.

haihhh.

masuk bilik pika ngan yuya.

study biochem.

sambil baring2.

tgah menghafal.

tak ingat tengah hafal ape.

sedar2,yuya kejut.

pastu titi pun masuk bilik.

SURPRISEE!!!

huh?

tak nampak.

ingatkan ade ape.

rupenye titi ngan yuya belikan bunga.

haha.

terima kaseh.

:)

malam pegi gmn.

rase mcm da lame tak pegi sane.

lepas tu teman pika kluarkan duit.

balik singgah beli crepe.

esok naz ngan pika nak join masuk class.

dengar lecture.

harap semua bangun pagi esok.

sekarang ni da pukul 2.19 pagi.

saya nak tido.

selamat malam smue.

Daddy's GirlSource UnknownListed December 23, 2002 -->
Her hair up in a pony tail,her favorite dress tied with a bow.Today was Daddy's Day at school,and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,that she probably should stay home.Why the kids might not understand,if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;she knew just what to say.What to tell her classmates,on the Daddy's Day.
But still her mommy worried,for her to face this day alone.And that was why once again,she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school,eager to tell them all.About a dad she never sees,a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in backfor everyone to meet.Children squirming impatiently,anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called,a student from the class.To introduce their daddyas seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,every child turned to stare.Each of them were searching,for a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"she heard a boy call out."She probably doesn't have one,"another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,she heard a daddy say."Looks like another deadbeat dad,too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,as she smiled at her friends.And looked back at her teacher,who told her to begin.
And with hands behind her back,slowly she began to speak.And out from the mouth of a child,came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here,because he lives so far away.But I know he wishes he could,be with me on this day."
"And though you cannot meet him,I wanted you to know.All about my Daddy,And how much he loves me so."
"He loved to tell me stories,he taught me to ride my bike.He surprised me with pink rosesand taught me to fly a kite."
"We used to share fudge sundaes,and ice cream in a cone.And though you cannot see him,I'm not standing here alone."
"Cause my Daddy's always with me,even though we are far apart.I know because he told me,he'll forever be here in my heart."
With that her little hand reached up,and lay across her chest.Feeling her own heartbeat,beneath her favorite dress.
And from some where in the crowd of dads,her mother stood in tears.Proudly watching her daughter,who was wise beyond her years
For she stood up for the love,of a man not in her life.Doing what was best for her,doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,staring straight into the crowd.She finished with a voice so soft,but its message clear and loud.
"I love my Daddy very much,he's my shining star.And he'd be here if he could,but heavens much to far."
"Sometimes when I close my eyes,it's like he never went away."And then she closed her eyes,and she saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement,she witnessed with surprise.A room full of Daddies and Children,all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,who knows what they felt inside.Perhaps for merely a second,they saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy,"to the silence she called out.And what happened next made believers,of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,for each of their eyes had been closed.But there placed on her desk,was a beautiful pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,by the love of her shining bright star.And given the gift of believing that,Heaven is never too far..

haha.hari ni hari yang.....berbaur2.
haha.
here's why.

pagi tadi satu umah (sabby,yuya and i) tak bgun for histo class.tapi aku bangun yang paling lambat.pastu mase tgah tido dengar sabby ckap "tu la kan da ckap,jgan kluar lewat malam.kan dah tak boleh bangun pagi.orang cakap tanak dengar.haih." dalam hati "ala,tgah ngantok ni.nnt la kau marah aku sabby,tunggu aku bangun.'' pastu sambung tdo smpai yuya kejut lagi sekali.

da siap2 smue,duduk la nak tunggu azan zohor pastu baru nak pegi kelas anat. "sabby,tadi ade cakap2 pasal kluar malam tak mase aku tgah tido?" "ada,tapi bukan dekat kau.dekat munir." "ohh.ok2.ingatkan kau marah aku mase aku tgah tido tadi." haha.

lepas smayang zuhur,ni plan ngan yuya :

• pegi class anatomy
• pegi class physiology
• pegi beli chicken burger sbb yuya lapar
• pegi muhafzah sbb yuya nak kuarkan duet
• pegi masjid nur nak smyang asar
• pegi duduk mane2 nak study

lepas smyang kuar umah.smpai universiti da pukul 12.30. pastu yuya cakap "baby,kau nak masuk anat ke?tinggal lagi stengah jam je ni.kite g beli chicken burger eh?" "aku puase la.tapi takpe la,jom." pastu jalan la pegi friends.aku tunggu yuya kat tepi friends sbb ade air smyang.pastu tbe2 yuya dtang. "baby,kau bawak duet tak?" "tak.nape?" "aku pun tak bawak duet.purse pun tak bawak" "laa,kate nak pegi muhafzah.jom la balik amik purse kau.aku nak tukar kasut gak ni."

pastu kitorang pun balik,amik purse yuya n tukar kasut.pastu da tak larat nak jalan balik so decide nak naek taxi.pastu naek taxi,jalan pulak jam.smpai2 depan kuliah tib,jam da pukul 1.30.sudah.lambat lagi.pastu tanye pakcik taxi "hantar smpai muhafzah boleh?'' "mumkin" lepas tu da lame baru yuya kluarkan duet. "by,aku ade 50 irsh je." "aku lagi la takde duet langsung." sudah.korek2 bag,jumpe la 50 irsh tersepit. "lagi 50 irsh?'' pandang orang sebelah tgah pegang fone nokia mahal. "yuya,mintak die 50 irsh." "kalau die mintak due genih camne?" "adoyai.'' pastu korek2 duet,jumpe duit syiling due genih.alhamdulillah.pastu mase bagi duet kat pak cik tu,pak cik tu gelak.sorry la pak cik,tak leh nak watpe la.

pas yuya kuarkan duet,yuya lapar.nak pegi makan kat welatain,kat sikkah.so tahan la taxi nak pegi sane.ckap ngan pak cik nak pegi sikkah sbb die tak tau welatain kat mane.takpe laa.pastu tbe2 pakcik tu suruh turun.dah turun,baru perasan.ni kat stesen kereta api.adoyai.ingatkan kene tipu.tahan la taxi ckp nak pegi sikkah.tak de satu taxi pun nak.lepas tu ade sorang pakcik ckap. "laaaa.ni la sikkah,tapi ni kat belakang.masuk ikut lorong tu,sikkah la." ooooh.lepas gelak2, masuk la lorong ngan yuya.rupenye salah lorong.lorong yang kitorang masuk tu lorong workshop.like dalam tu msue workshop.and takde perempuan langsung except kitornag due.da la laki dalam tu smue yang cam menakutkan.yang tangan ngan muke itam2 sbb ade arang,pastu pandang semacam je. "by,salah lorong." "tau,takpe.jalan je.bwat muke confident". smpai hujung lorong,cepat2 tahan taxi.ckp nak g shari' mashaya.pastu die berhentikan kat tepi sg nil,kat tempat naek boat.

kene la panjat bukit sbb nak g welatain yuya.smpai2,yuya order pastu kitorang duduk.haha.yuya je laa pun yang makan.lame ar gak lepak welatain.bukak buku biochem.pastu ckap2 ngan yuya.sambung study balik.pukul 4.yuya bawak balik fries ngan pepsi.tahan taxi.takde sape nak.pastu ade sorang pakcik ckp "kalau nak balik,tahan taxi kat belah sane" laaa.naseb baek pakcik tu ckp,kalau tak smpai maghrib la dk sini tercenguk tunggu taxi.lintas jalan,ade tramco maen2 ngan kitorang lak.takpela,die takkan langgar nye.kalau kat msia, kitorng da kene lenyek kot.

masuk2 taxi,ade makcik lagi sorang.borak ngan makcik tu jap.pastu tbe2 pakcik tu (dlam umur awal 60) tanye "awak manis.nak kawen dengan saya tak?" "takpe la,tanak.'' pastu sepanjang jalan tu die berdakwah dengan lagi sorang laki masuk after kitorang.lepas tu byak kali die ckp laki boleh kawen 4.ye pakcik,saye tau.smpai makcik tu marah die n pandang serong.kitorang gelak je la.lepas tu laki tu turun.pastu mak cik tu plak turun.pastu die amik lagi sorang laki. "nak turun kat mane? " ''shari' samanudi." pastu pakcik ni masuk satu lorong kat tepi cafe cafe.shortcut kot.pastu tbe2 lorong tu jam sbb ade orang tgah baru nak wat longkang.ade la budak laki umur 8 tahun tgha maen tembak2 dngan adek die.tbe2 pakcik tu tanye budak tu samanudi katne.budak kecik tu pun bagi la directions n still die tak tau. ''takpe la.tir'ah pun takpe la pakcik" pakcik tu nak ptah balik,kat blakang ade byak kete.die suh kitorang turun kat situ.hampeh.kate nak kawen ngan aku,tapi tinggal aku kat tgah jalan.huh.yuya pun gelak2.kitorang jalan la balik.nmpak due orang budak laki tgah maen.yuya offer pepsi yuya kat diorang.dengan muke smart "la',wallah.syukran" yuya offer fries lak.tak menyempat due2 orang tu amik fries.haha,sekeh kang dak2 ni.pastu jalan balik.hahah.balik umah,berbuke ngan tomyam,pika masak. :)

of cold nights,love and friendship.

today,i talked to a lot of ppl.

i have been doing a lot of thinking lately.

and some of it bothers me.

i didnt even realise it bothered me dat much.

well.

so here goes.

i don't know what's up with u.

i do not know what do u want from me.

u said it will all get better.

and i actually believed u.

truly,i did.

but i guess things change.

u've changed.

n maybe i changed as well.

but i was hoping things didnt have to change.

but it did.

and i.

u got me hanging for a while.

i got lost.

i tried to find my way back.

i know that i have to let go and move on.

but somehow ur shadow still lingers around.

tonight.

i realised dat you were a part of me.

and i guess you still are.

but this is as far as i can go.

i will not cling and drown myself anymore.

i will not make u want me anymore.

i have my family and friends around.

and i know,they still have my back.

so.

i am moving on now.

trying to still have faith in everything and everyone else around me.

and smile.

cos i know the world is still spinning.

and i'm still living.

but u'll still be able to find my footprints in the sand.

loves :)

butterfly kisses.

i just read dlow's blog.

and a few others.

so,the conclusion here is :

i miss ayah waking me up for school.

i miss mommy waiting for us at the school gate.

i miss nagging erra in d morning to hurry up.

i miss hearing pudding crying early in the morning for school.

i miss having lunch with mommy.

i miss staying back after school.

i miss dlow.

i miss lillians.

i miss 5c.

i miss d lounge.

i miss staying up late at nite wif d girls.

i miss camwhoring.

i miss those boring preps.

i miss having to sneak around just to eat maggi late at nite.

i miss having to book the shower.

i miss prefects shouting after latecomers.

i miss the boring classes.

i miss escaping programs.

i miss d fishball and the keli cili padi.

i miss the carefree days at UKM.

i miss the driving lessons.

i miss hanging out with mommy and makteh.

i miss hugging and kissing my aunts.

i miss having lunch and shopping with mommy.

i miss sleeping with erra every nite.

i miss ayah coming to my room every day after work.

i miss wrestling with pudding.

i miss erra and ding's hugs and kisses.

i miss visiting afiz.

i miss buying him large big mac set at mcdonalds.

i miss buying slurpees.

i miss going out together on weekends.

i miss stopping by the fish pond.

i miss watching afiz on my bed using the laptop.

i miss seeing ayah shake his head when he disapproves of something.

i miss seeing mommy smile.

i miss seing afiz blush and laugh.

i miss seeing erra roll on the floor laughing.

i miss seeing pudding playing his ps or ds.

i miss hearing the piano.

i miss my room.

i miss my house.

i miss everyone.

i'm not gonna cry.

at least not tonight.

goodnite everyone.

haha.
it's 8.24 pm and i just finished watching twilight for d 3rd time dis year.ohh,how i envy bella.haha.

nothing much happened today.i stayed home all day n did not spend my money at all today.which, i am kinda proud of.i had to resist naz's persuasion to eat lunch at gmn and luckily izzah was der to convince me how good eggs are with kicap kipas udang.haha.

izzah made nasi lemak for dinner.it was good and i tasted sotong kering for d first time.nice. :)

den naz made me dance to crazy in love if i wanted the key.she promised not to laugh.pika was there as well.and wen i did,naz laughed her head off and started rolling on the floor.like yang ym nye emoticon tu.n pika laughed as well.haha.naseb baek i got d keys.den dey went to nusan for their study group and naz looks nice tonite.n pika is very happy.like super duper extra blushingly happy sbb dpat ym ngan baong.haha.i stayed home, ALONE, watched twilight and den my sister buzzed me n we im'ed.haha.she got mad cos i wasnt responding well to her stories. sorry sis,but u buzzed me at d wrong time.will definitely make it up to u d next time.haha.

so now here i am alone,rewinding the movie in my head,hands freezing cold,waiting for my deares hsemates to come back home,thinking bout my screwed ipod, *gosh,i can hear pipin's voice.sudah,da la sorang2 je ni kat umah.nak kene tuka baju lagi,adoyai.* upcoming midterms and finding myself missing my family back home.darn.

cheers to nazeera nasir.

naz my dearest,
thanks for helping me wif d layouts and watever ding dong ntah pasal mende2 tu.
haha.
ppl, my layout and stuff are all from naz's midas touch.
:)

n yeah, akibatnye naz kene tido kul 4 pagi sbb yuya pun nak gak.
haha.
thanks again naz. ;)

new year's resolution.

hey ppl.
after lame gile tak update,here goes~

happy new year 2009. :)

yay ppl,i'm 19. :)

so,here are my new year's resolutions.

1. to like biochem and not escape biochem lectures.

2. to call home more often.

3. to update my blog regularly.

4. to play hard and study harder.

5. to try to view things and life from a larger perspective.

6. to learn to manage my money wisely.

7. to ensure yuya and naz are prepared in case dey marry someone who only eats wen der is cili padi.

8. to be a better person as a whole.

9. to love and appreciate love.

10. to move on.

sayang dlow :)

dlow, dah buat dah. here's to u. loves. :)