Friday, March 27, 2009

Some things are just not worth the fight.and some are worth risking all that you have.

Days have been weird,hectic and fun. Have been talking to my mom and dad. And I sure do miss home, but am still not sure about going back to Malaysia for the summer break. Spending it in UK or somewhere else sure did cross my mind. But I haven't decided. At least not yet. Might think about it later, because thinking about it now, it drains my energy.Just realized that exam's just around the corner. *yes,do slap me hard* so am trying my best to cope with all that's happening. Trying to stay up all night with Shabs,Naz,Pika. Trying to absorb as much as our brain would let us to. But looking at piles and piles of thick, thick books, makes us wanna curl up in a ball and just slip away. At times, I do sit back and think. What if I studied hard enough for SPM,would life be easier? Should I have stayed back in Malaysia? What if I agreed to UK, how different would my life be? To be honest, I didnt dream of becoming a doctor since I was a kid, like some of the people here. And no, my parents didn't make me take up medicine. They even tried to talk me out of it. But anyhow, I know that whatever path I am taking, they'll always be there for me. Even if they don't say it to me at times, I just know. Somehow, I just woke up from bed one day and said, ''Send me to Egypt.'' And the next thing I knew, I was surrounded by a whole new environment. One I never dreamt of. Not once, in my life.

I still remember, how Pudding was worried one night and he asked me before going to bed. ''Kaklong, what if one day, I don't remember you anymore?'' Coming from a 7 year old, it should be hilarious, but it somehow occured to me as a sincere question, one that has been playing in his head for quite a while. I know how much Ayah sacrifised for me, and for us. I know how hard life has been for him, and how he wanted us to grow up with all that we needed and not wanting to spoil us. And I know how worried Mommy and Ayah is of letting me go all the way half across the globe all by myself *basically* knowing how I am. But I know this is something that I have to go through, though different from all the people I know who goes to US and having a blast. * I saw the pictures. wink wink * And I know that somehow, I can't compare myself with you guys, earning scholarships and making it all the way till now. I do look up to all of you. And how hard Atok Ipoh, Atok KL, Opah Ipoh and Atok KL worked when the days were hard and life was tough. Truly, you guys are the reason that I try my hardest to keep afloat and not drown.

And Ayah, if you're reading this *I know you eventually will*, I still keep the letter you gave me at the airport, before I boarded the plane. Though it's just a 2 page letter, it means a lot to me. A LOT. I do read it whenever I feel down, sad, discouraged or am just simply missing you. I think that's the first letter you ever wrote for me, *birthday cards don't count, Ayah. :D :D * and no matter how many times I've read it, it still touches my heart knowing how much you do care and love. I've said this many times, but I never get bored or tired saying it over and over again. You are my hero. I have always, and will always look up to you. There's no man that can compare to you. You simply are the best and I love you. And i sure miss you. More than you can ever imagine. And do remember, I will always be your little girl. The one who shares candies with you, and wears that yellow boxer. with writings at the back. *yes,i still do remember it*. Haha.Haha, emo much? May be due to unstablilised hormones during this period of the month or the sugar rush am having right now. Anyways, we'll be having Solat Hajat tonight at the rooftop and rewang las night was fun. I learnt how to make kuih keria and stayed up till 3 in the morning with Yuya and Naz making fruit jellies. Can't wait for tonight. :)

Abg Hassan went back to Malaysia for good with his wife and son, so basically am all alone now. Haha. Being dramatic. I thought of going to Alex to see them or at the airport but basically couldnt because there was a miscommunication since i thought it was next week, but turned out this week, so due to short notice, everybody's busy and going to Cairo all alone at night sounds creepy.

Talk about creepy,all we do nowadays involve creepy ghost stories and frightening sounds. All sorts of stories are being told, from real life experience, boarding school stories and even googling ghost stiroes online. The result? Scared to even look at lampposts and trees and hating the dark and having all this imaginations running wild. Like all the time, especially at night.

And Naz making creepy sounds like yesterday when we were walkin to Wekalah at midnight, and suddenly hearing a creepy-growling-hissing-moan behind your shoulder in a dark alley made my heart stopped. Seriously. If she does that again, I'll punch her. Hard.

Anyways, I gotta go. Lots of stuff to be done, my laundry's piling up, Biochemistry test next Tuesday, final's in a month. Sighs. Oh, and good luck to all fellow comrades from the Manchester program for your midsem exam on Sunday. :)

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