To whom it may concern :

No worries, whatever it is,

No matter how tough it'll be,

No matter how depressing it can be at times,

No matter how hard it is to just follow the flow

As long as we have each other's backs,

We'll make it through somehow.

I love you guys.

You guys know who you are.

p/s : tough times don't last,tough people do. :)

''seriously by,what's stopping you?''

''sanity.''

saya rindu kamu lah, Cik Zarina. :(

p/s : i like this picture of you. ;)

Some things are just not worth the fight.and some are worth risking all that you have.

Days have been weird,hectic and fun. Have been talking to my mom and dad. And I sure do miss home, but am still not sure about going back to Malaysia for the summer break. Spending it in UK or somewhere else sure did cross my mind. But I haven't decided. At least not yet. Might think about it later, because thinking about it now, it drains my energy.Just realized that exam's just around the corner. *yes,do slap me hard* so am trying my best to cope with all that's happening. Trying to stay up all night with Shabs,Naz,Pika. Trying to absorb as much as our brain would let us to. But looking at piles and piles of thick, thick books, makes us wanna curl up in a ball and just slip away. At times, I do sit back and think. What if I studied hard enough for SPM,would life be easier? Should I have stayed back in Malaysia? What if I agreed to UK, how different would my life be? To be honest, I didnt dream of becoming a doctor since I was a kid, like some of the people here. And no, my parents didn't make me take up medicine. They even tried to talk me out of it. But anyhow, I know that whatever path I am taking, they'll always be there for me. Even if they don't say it to me at times, I just know. Somehow, I just woke up from bed one day and said, ''Send me to Egypt.'' And the next thing I knew, I was surrounded by a whole new environment. One I never dreamt of. Not once, in my life.

I still remember, how Pudding was worried one night and he asked me before going to bed. ''Kaklong, what if one day, I don't remember you anymore?'' Coming from a 7 year old, it should be hilarious, but it somehow occured to me as a sincere question, one that has been playing in his head for quite a while. I know how much Ayah sacrifised for me, and for us. I know how hard life has been for him, and how he wanted us to grow up with all that we needed and not wanting to spoil us. And I know how worried Mommy and Ayah is of letting me go all the way half across the globe all by myself *basically* knowing how I am. But I know this is something that I have to go through, though different from all the people I know who goes to US and having a blast. * I saw the pictures. wink wink * And I know that somehow, I can't compare myself with you guys, earning scholarships and making it all the way till now. I do look up to all of you. And how hard Atok Ipoh, Atok KL, Opah Ipoh and Atok KL worked when the days were hard and life was tough. Truly, you guys are the reason that I try my hardest to keep afloat and not drown.

And Ayah, if you're reading this *I know you eventually will*, I still keep the letter you gave me at the airport, before I boarded the plane. Though it's just a 2 page letter, it means a lot to me. A LOT. I do read it whenever I feel down, sad, discouraged or am just simply missing you. I think that's the first letter you ever wrote for me, *birthday cards don't count, Ayah. :D :D * and no matter how many times I've read it, it still touches my heart knowing how much you do care and love. I've said this many times, but I never get bored or tired saying it over and over again. You are my hero. I have always, and will always look up to you. There's no man that can compare to you. You simply are the best and I love you. And i sure miss you. More than you can ever imagine. And do remember, I will always be your little girl. The one who shares candies with you, and wears that yellow boxer. with writings at the back. *yes,i still do remember it*. Haha.Haha, emo much? May be due to unstablilised hormones during this period of the month or the sugar rush am having right now. Anyways, we'll be having Solat Hajat tonight at the rooftop and rewang las night was fun. I learnt how to make kuih keria and stayed up till 3 in the morning with Yuya and Naz making fruit jellies. Can't wait for tonight. :)

Abg Hassan went back to Malaysia for good with his wife and son, so basically am all alone now. Haha. Being dramatic. I thought of going to Alex to see them or at the airport but basically couldnt because there was a miscommunication since i thought it was next week, but turned out this week, so due to short notice, everybody's busy and going to Cairo all alone at night sounds creepy.

Talk about creepy,all we do nowadays involve creepy ghost stories and frightening sounds. All sorts of stories are being told, from real life experience, boarding school stories and even googling ghost stiroes online. The result? Scared to even look at lampposts and trees and hating the dark and having all this imaginations running wild. Like all the time, especially at night.

And Naz making creepy sounds like yesterday when we were walkin to Wekalah at midnight, and suddenly hearing a creepy-growling-hissing-moan behind your shoulder in a dark alley made my heart stopped. Seriously. If she does that again, I'll punch her. Hard.

Anyways, I gotta go. Lots of stuff to be done, my laundry's piling up, Biochemistry test next Tuesday, final's in a month. Sighs. Oh, and good luck to all fellow comrades from the Manchester program for your midsem exam on Sunday. :)

Today's not a good day for me.
I don't even know why.
I feel that people are being hot and cold and it's driving me insane.
Then again.
I might be wrong.

Did lot's of thing to cheer myself up.
Buying things to make me feel better at Wekalah.
And just talking.

I miss home.
Sighs.

It's 2.39 in the morning and I'm still reading about erythrocyte sedimentation rate. Lots more to go and I have practical exam tomorrow at 2. Planned to stay up until 5 and sleep in till 9. Will be goint for Histo and Biochem class and all practical classes. But then, I am now having stomach cramp and I bet it'll worsen by tomorrow morning. Am now having doubts about being able to go and see jars and sit 8 hours straight in class. Will see how it goes tomorrow.

Anyways,been studying with Shabs and Naz at the living room. Yesterday, I spent the whole night reading about Pulmonary Function Tests. Tonight we studied more than we played but at times, we would be singing 90s songs and Naz cooked at 1 in the morning.We were all very sleepy by 10 that Naz made a whole jug of coffee and we finished it in less than half an hour. Shabs even brought gummy worms and we were hoping to get sugar rush so we'd be all hyper and concentrating. Pfft.

So yeah, it's freaking cold, the living room is full with books, bags, stationaries and lots of stuff to keep us awake. Naz and Shabs even you-tubed cats to keep them wide awake. Yes, thats how desperate we are to stay awake.

kenapa awak tergamak tipu saya?
saya percayakan awak.
lebih dari yang awak tahu.
saya sayangkan awak.
lebih juga dari yang awak tahu.

ape awak cakap,saya terima.
saye pejamkan mata dan saya percaya.
sebab tak pernah terlintas dalam hati awak akan tergamak buat begitu.

kadang-kadang bile sedang berjalan,
terasa macam nampak kelibat awak di hujung sana.

bile duduk seorang diri,
teringat apa yang awak pernah cakap.

bile duduk dengan kawan-kawan.
mengharap awak masih ade dengan saya.

sekali sekala sebelum nak tidur,
rasa macam nak call awak cakap selamat malam.

bila bangun pagi,
terus tgok handphone.
ingatkan ade message dari awak.
bile tgok takde ape2,
baru saya tersedar dan terus bangun.

bila tengok sekeliling,
ade je benda yang mengingatkan kite kat awak.
kadang2 rasa mcm dengar suara awak pun ada.
rasa mcm boleh gile dibuatnye.

kawan-kawan suruh kite bangkit.
pandang depan.
jangan toleh dah.
semua bukti dah ade depan mata.
ape lagi yang saya nak?
dah takde ape2 untuk saya dari awak.

tapi kadang2,
saya toleh ke belakang jugak.
benda2 kecil tu la yang buat saya tersenyum.
bende2 kecil tu la yang saya hidup dengan bertahun lamenye.

awak sihat?
awak dah makan?
awak tak sakit lagi kan?
awak belajar mcm mane?
saya harap awak bahagia sekarang.

*da la tu.tak yah fikir dah,buat penat diri sendiri je.*

things to be done:

• tgok smue jar for anatomy
• claim buku anatomy kat department
• pergi pharmacy dengan sthethoscope
• pinjam microscope and slides for histo
• pinjam tulang
• bawak salinan passport and photostat more
• unknown solutions
• habeskan bace physio by sunday
• past year starting sunday petang
• jumpe amu hamdi pasal umah
• topup italk n hotlink
• siapkan lukisan histo
• basuh baju
• pergi alex next friday
• bawak ipod pegi alex nak passkan balik
• beli notes kat maktabah
• bawak baju ke alex
• hantar card for erra

saya dah pernah gembira.
saya dah pernah menangis.
saya dah pernah merangkak.
saya dah pernah berlari.


saya pernah bercinta.
saya pernah dikecewakan.
saya pernah berharap.
saya pernah putus asa.
saya pernah percaya.
saya pernah kena tipu.

saya bersuka ria.
saya kene marah.
saya dapat duit.
saya belanjakan.

tapi sekarang dah ade misi baru.
kene tunaikan walau pun susah.
saya akan cuba.
:)

Semalam birthday kakak-kakak bulatan pintar kami,Kak Umi dan Kak Aimi. Kami plan pesta hari jadi. Izzni dengan rumah die pegi cari hadiah, kami pegi cari kek. Cari kat El-Baron lah,mane lagi.Hadiah hari jadi : jubah.Beli kat tepi Sg Nil. Kami tunggu kat Nusan smpai saya tertido. Diorang baru nak smyang asar. Setelah sekian lame,kami berkumpul dan pergi rumah diorang. Kononnye, kejutan hari lahir dari adik2. Smpai2,call Kak Aimi, mintak tolong balingkan kunci rumah. Naek atas, tunggu dalam gelap. Bile Kak Umi dtang, kitorang nyanyi. Lepas tu duduk, kitorang plan nak smyang Maghrib kat rumah, tanak menyusahkan Kak Umi sbb lagipun Kak Umi ade tuition jap lagi. Smentare tunggu musyrif, kitorang maen amik2 gambar.

Hari tu plak birthday Sabby. Ade kejutan jugak, kat Cafe2. Makan sngat sedap, lepas tu kitorang duduk smpai pukul 2 pagi, mengeratkan silaturrahim sesame kawan. :)

Lepas tu tadi menjalankan salah satu misi, study group. Dengan Yuya, Shabby. Lepas Naz makan,die pun join. Kami belajar Electrocardiogram :) Jam 12, Pika suruh siap, nak gerak ke block A. Jadi umpan untuk kejutan hari jadi Jimmy pulak. Duduk2 borak2 kat abwah, diorang baling air ngan kicap basi dari atas. Lepas tu baling tepung. And sembur campuran telur, air, kicap dan susu. Hasilnye, Jimmy snagt busuk. Lepas makan2 cake dan amik gmbar, decide nak balik. So Jimmy dan Falah hantar balik.

Sekarang ni cadangnye nak belajar. Tapi bile dah duk sorang2,segale jenis bende nak terfikir. Buat serabut kepale sendiri je. Last2,sedih sorang2. Haihh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIMMY! :)

to give out what we told you is one thing.
to lie in front of our faces is one thing.
to betray our trust is one thing.
but to twist and manipulate stories is another.

there is a fine line between being jealous,revengeful and hurt.

now that you got what you wanted, I hope your happy.

because I certainly am, without you.

I know I've dissapointed you more than once.
I know I've broken both your hearts more than once.
I know how high your hopes and dreams are.
I may not be the brightest star to shine among the bunch.
I may not be the one you can be proud of all the time.
But do know.
I will always give my very best.
I will always look up to you.
And I will always love you both.
Dearly,with all my heart.

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers in their blog.
B. Tag 3 people to do this quiz.

1. What have you been doing recently?
Studying about Respiration.

2. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
On board a plane.

3. What happened at 10 am today?
Just got back from class.

4. When did you last cry?
Erm. When I laughed real hard. Sometime last week I guess.

5. Believe in fate/destiny?
In a way, I do.

6. What do you want in your life now?
For things to stay the same. Pass my exams. Fly back home.

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put up your hood?
Just put up my hood. If I'm wearing one at the moment, that is.

8. What's your favourite thing to do on bed?
Reading. Talking.

9. What bottoms are you wearing now?
Haha.

10. What's the nicest thing in your inbox?
A message about getting married. I guess.

11. Do you tend to make the relationship complicated?
I am not engaged to any relationships at the moment.

12. Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone at the moment?
Nope.

13. What was the last movie you caught?
Death Race.

14. What are you proud of?
As in Now, and where I am, I would have to say Malaysia.

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
Am not gonna write it down here. A text from a friend in Alexandria.

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Erm. Ntah la.

17. Do you have any nicknames?
Yes.

18. What does the newest text say?
Aaaaa. Something bout someone telling me bout marriage. Enough said.

19. What time did you go to bed last night?
Around midnight.

20. Are you currently happy?
More like sleepy.

21. Who gives you the best advise?
My very own conscience.

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
Nope.

23. Who did you talk to on the phone last night?
Friends. Acquitances.

24. Is something bugging you now?
Yes. Cepat la online!

25. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Orang yang saya bercakap di phone dengan tadi.





Sorry Pika, second survey tak leh nak wat sbb nnt smue soalan pun jawapan die tinggal tempat kosong, sbb takde calon yang di fikirkan kalau nak jawab tag tu. Sorry. :D

My class was from 8 in the morning till 6 in the evening today and by the time I got back, am drained, tired and exhausted. *exaggerated much?* Anyways,on the way back, got hit by a taxi. Again. It was only the side mirror, but i was shocked. Enough said. And I just realised that exam's just around the corner, and I don't wanna fail and have to repeat or carry any paper. So I guess I have to start working hard right away. So am gonna start studying tonight. I will. RESPIRATION. And since class starts at 11 tomorrow, I might stay up and do some studying. :) I learnt something else today. That when you get jealous or mad or pretend not to care, u actually do.

Quote Naz :

It's okay
Awww
Cmon
Just because I love my parents
Doesn't mean I don't get pissed at them
It's perfectly normal
To be angry is to care.
You are angry cause you care what they say/do to you
I get pissed too sometimes
But i just think about how much i throw away if i dwell on it

So yeah, I love you. :)




p/s : thanks naz for editing my blog for me the second time. *kisses*