Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I feel the pressure to pass.

I feel the pressure to score.

I feel the pressure to go back home.

I feel the pressure to be skinny and pretty.

I feel the pressure of having to please the people around me.

I can feel eyes waiting for me to fail looking straight at me.

I know I have to be strong, not only for the sake of myself, but also others.

I know my mood swings and me trying to isolate myslef from the rest are hurting many and I thank and apologise for having to put up with me at this point.

I am inches away from breaking down. From letting go of all that I have worked for. 

No, I am not okay. Physically, emotionally. Drained. I'm not being a drama queen. And I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm writing this down because I need to voice this out. I can't hold it in anymore. Don't tell me to suck this all in and keep my composure. Am not even going to pretend I'm okay.

I want to go home. I need my mom and dad. I want to lie in my bed at home. I'm not okay. Not now.