I've never been so lost in my life before.

In all honesty, I don't even know how hope feels like anymore. 

A part of me wants to just pack my stuffs, catch the next flight back home and start all over again.

But another part wants to stay and give it my last shot.

Dear God. I am helpless without you. Please, I'm begging you. Grant me strength, show me the way, for now, I need you the most.

Tadi dah tulis post panjang-panjang about what happened when we went to Cairo last Saturday. I was almost done, went to the toilet for 5 minutes and came back to an over-heated laptop, which, automatically shut down and somehow, the post wasn't saved.

So now, I am not gonna write it again, because I am not as happy as I was before even though I finally got my Chocolate Crepe and looking at the shopping bags on the couch. Look for the pictures at my album on my Facebook profile if you want to. Sighs.

Result's are coming out in less than a week. Please let me pass all four, Amin Ya Rabb.

We, humans, are forgetful and we always take things for granted.

When we want something, we say the sweetest thing, we promise the brightest stars and at that point, not even a chicken with a pink helmet flying at bullet speed could stop us.

But what happens when we do get that second chance?

I don't know about you. But sometimes, I don't think I deserve second chances. Because the odds are, I'd still be the same. I don't think that I'm giving my all and my very best, even when I should be.

But, this time. It's different. I have given, though not all, the pieces of courage left in me. And I am more than willing to work even harder next year because when you fall really hard once, you wouldn't want to fall twice. It'll be harder and my parents and family deserve more from me. 

In the name of Allah, if I pass this exams and I get into second year, I will give my very all throughout the year. No more last minute studies. No more fooling around. No more games. No more jokes. This is serious, and this is it. I will ball up the courage I have and pray that God helps me through this. Please let me pass finals this time.

I truly believe in You, oh Allah. Amen Ya Rabb.

                            

I'm about to get sick and my Oral Exams start tomorrow.

Its so hot now that I shower three times a day and everytime I get back from somewhere. The best part? It'll be hotter next month.

There are bed mites on my bed. So my legs are ugly-er and I wear long pants to bed.

I'm a terrible cook and there are very limited dining places here. Please don't suggest that I have fast food for dinner. These are the foods that I so very badly want and will eat at least once when I get back home, which is soon, isA.

From top most :

1. Vietnamese Noodle / Pho.

2. Nasi Lemak Sambal Kerang.

3. Pad Thai.

4. Otak-Otak. Kempas tak Kempas, belakang kira.

5. Chicken Teppanyaki.

6. Nasi Goreng Kerabu.

7. Ipoh Hor Fun.

8. Lontong.

9. Nasi Kerabu Daging Bakar.

10. Char Kuey Tiow.

11. Beef Bulgogi.

12. Fried Shark's Fin with Eggs and Salad.

13. Claypot Chicken Rice.

14. Laksa Sarawak.

Lapar smpai baring atas katil tanak bangun walaupun sebenarnya loya, sakit perut dan rasa nak demam sekarang ni. Jom menangis ramai-ramai? *hulur tissue* Okay lah, byeeee. Nak mandi dan buat sup. Tu je yang boleh terima skrang ni. Sedih kan?

Why I Need To Go Back To Malaysia This Year:

1. Need to buy more clothes and shoes. Kalau beli sendiri, I need to worry about money and I'm not exactly the best one in budgetting and according to plan.

2. I miss driving and fully air-conditioned cars and people not honking every 2 minutes while driving.

3. I promised Pudding I'd buy him boxes of Tako Tao.

4. I need to see if they have any new stores in KLCC.

5. Even though I love City Stars to bits and pieces and all, I need to go to other malls. Too much of soemthing is never good enough.

6. The fact that I'm a terrible cook and is food deprived, I don't want to go bonkers.

7. It's too hot and dry here. I need a balance of the Asian heat and some rain and greenery.

8.My bed in Malaysia doesn't have bed mites and it's cooler, and even though there's no couch and a dining table in my room, I miss my room. The smell, my bed, the view from my window and my own bathroom.

9. I miss going out and not having people look at you like you're wearing your pants inside out.

10. I miss home and I miss my family.

I am a firm believer of ''good things shouldn't be rushed''. Believe me when I say, I speak from experience.

I'm not rushing anything right now. Yes, I whine for a boyfriend a lot, but don't take me as being desperate. Because I'm not. I'm still waiting for the right one. Call me old-fashioned and tell me ''you're still young, go on and have fun''. Thanks but no thanks. I've had my share of fun. :)

Btw, I think some people just don't learn from mistakes. Especially those who listen to their heart more than their head. That, honey, is where most problems start. Sometimes, we don't see the bad in someone just because we like having them around. Open your eyes. Look around. You can't be that stupid, can you? Shutting down people who are actually being nice to you for what people you think you know and the judgements that they pass around because you think they're right. Tuhan bagi akal kepada manusia untuk membezakan antara yang baik dan buruk. Guna nikmat tu sebaik mungkin, don't take it for granted sbb itu yang membezakan antara kita dan haiwan.

I can't wait for Cairo. Liberation, baby! *even if it's just for one week*