Malaysians on the road

So this is an attempt for me to start blogging again after ages of not doing so...

Ever since I could remember, I've always been using Smart Tag (which is an automated device that automatically deducts your credot balance without having to hand over cash at toll booths). But since I have been busy (and running out of cash to top it up), I have been queing at the normal cash lane at tolls and found something that really pissed me off the last few days.


.....People just can't que.

It is more than obvious, as obvious as it would be if you had  an elephant at your living room, that there is a que at the different booths, where people stay behind the car in front of them, and patiently wait until it's their turn to hand over the cash at the person in charge.

But what I've been facing last week was there would bound to be one brainless idiot who would proudly, without a hint of shame or guilt, drive all the way up front and try to cut que. This would be followed by the same species who, again, without the slighest hint of shame or guilt, start queing up behind brainless idiot 1 to start a new que of lets-fucking-cut-the-que-so-we-can-go-faster.

Wow, good job people. Day by day, we seem to prove ourselves that we are what we claim to be modern citizens of the world, driving our fancy imported cars, holding our fancy latest phones, stuck in our third world mentality, practicing cavemen behaviours that would even put them to shame.

Unless the world will crack if you don't pay within the next 30 seconds, or you're gonna get spasm and lose an ear if you don't reach somewhere within the next 5 minutes, you have no abso-fucking-lutely right to cut the que. Yeah, you have to be somewhere, but don't we all? Your time is no more precious than someone else's.

I have always missed you everytime we were apart.

Even if it was just for an afternoon.

I loved how it fell to wake up in the morning next to you.

Sometimes, I would just lie in bed and look at you.

Every single time I looked at you felt like the first time looking at you.

I love how you would smile, say good morning and pull me close.

You would smile, hug me and hold me against you for a while, then tickle me and we'd both laugh and that's how our day would start.

Starting a day with you, any day, would be a good day for me.

We'd walk out of the house together, and I'd be so sleepy, you'd hold my hand and we'd walk, and with a 'see you later' we'd head for classes and routines.

We were so attached that, even in classes, we would talk to each other through BBMs.

Your messages would always make me smile, even during the most boring classes and I'd be walking on sunshine for the rest of the day.

You made me feel like nothing can go wrong,

like no one can hurt me,

like for once in my life,

I felt like my whole life couldn't be any more perfect.

I don't know if it's gravity holding us close,

or fate.

We would always bump into each other,

and everytime we do, it felt like my whole world has being lit.

And the happiness that radiates from within me,

was a sort of happiness I never thought existed.

I would always be the first to know if something happened in your life,

and so were you.

You were the first person to hold my hand in public, and it felt like you were proud to have me by your side.

You always, always, made me laugh, I can't remember a minute being with you that I didn't felt happy.

The late night walks by the river,

Staring at the stars late at night,

Sitting in the car for hours just sitting next to each other,

I loved every single minute of it.

People looked and stared at us.

Strangers smiled at us.

I knew that they knew how happy I was, how you made me feel.

You wouldn't even let a bug come close to me, let alone people hurt me.

You always had my back,

You protected me and made me felt safe,

You taught me how it felt like to love and to be loved.

Whenever I'd show up at your doorstep, you'd always be there waiting for me at the door.

You'd smile, and almost instantly, make me forget how bad my day was, or how tired I was.

You'd hold my hand and bring me inside, and then you'd carry me and spin me in circles, but you'd never let me fall.

Not even once.

I could never lie to you, no matter what it was.

You could always tell if something was wrong with me, no matter how hard I try to hide it.

You opened your door for me,

You invited me to your world and let me be a part of it.

You introduced me to your friends,

You let me hang out with them and we'd all talk until 3 in the morning,

but you would always sit next to me.

You'd hold me in front of them,

Or lie on my lap,

Anything at all to show them boys that I was yours,

And I couldn't have been happier.

You said you love my eyes, they were beautiful and you told everyone about it.

You said you love my smile, they bring joy to your life.

You said you love seeing me eat ice cream, its the cutest you've seen in your life.

You said you love how I would sit on your floor, and you would sit next to me, because it'd make you feel whole.

You said you love how I look when I'm excited, I'd be the little girl you want to protect.

You said you love how I smell, and how my body feels so warm against you.

You said you love how I'd take your pillow and sleep, it brings you comfort.

You said you love having me lie next to you and how the bed smells of me, even when I'm not around.

Me?

I loved everything about you.

I love how my hands fit in yours, the tightness of your fingers holding mine.

I love how your hair would curl against my fingers.

I love falling asleep in your arms every night, my hands on your chest and yours around me.

I love how you would curl your legs around mine all night.

I love how you would hug me from the back randomly.

I love how you'd always steal kisses from me.

I love when you carry me around and spin me across the room.

I love eating ice creams late at night with you.

I love wearing your necklace.

I love how I miss you so bad whenever you're not around.

I love your smile, and how you always look at me.

I love how you always annoy me.

I love how you make me laugh.

I love how you make me smile.

I love everything there is about you.

I guess I'm in love with you.

I love you.

I will be on hiatus for quite some time.

I won't be writing anything. Will come online on Facebook once a day kot, tu pun maybe guna phone je. Will only be using my laptop when in dire need.

I will still be contact-able through my phone. Guaranteed.

Will be so because this is my once-in-a-lifetime chance to start over. I'm not giving this up and I'm gonna put my 150% in this. Tolong doakan I'm strong enough to make it through, dimudahkan segala urusan, dicukupkan semua keperluan, dijauhi dari fitnah dan aniaya orang dan takda masalah dengan siapa-siapa. InsyAllah.

Bye. I'm off to prove myself. I have a whole new world to unravel and a long road to travel.

Loves.

please help me come up with excuses.

So, remember when I said I'm gonna start running on the threadmill? Tak sempat lagi. Sighs. Got back from Ipoh at 2.30 in the morning, habis running around 3.30, nak tunggu peluh kering baru nak mandi, 4.30? Alamatnya tertidur dalam peluh lah aku. -_-

The next day Mommy and Ayah made all of us woke up at 10 to go to Banting, an annual family gathering, which quite frankly I wasn't really looking forward to. Nak kata punya lah tanak, smpai sarung baju kurung warna hitam tak gosok sampai Ayah tegur cakap bukan mcm orang nak pergi beraya, mcm orang berkabung! And Mom insisted that I wear something more ceria-ish. It was hot, but I got to meet a lot of people and in a way, it made me think of how grateful I am that I still have family. People who care and a place I can call home. Where they don't care if you drive a Mini Cooper or if you have a Gucci bag. All they know and care about is that you're family and you stick together by hook or by crook. And that made it all worthwhile.

And I think many were shocked to see me. Ramai yang tak kenal pun dah okay! Because I was wearing a hijab and dah kurus (dulu gemuk mcm mana eh? :| ) And Mom kept telling me that some of my cousins were looking for me. Abg Illyas. Him and I used to stay over at arwah Atok's place during the school holidays and work and since ada kitorang je, despite him being 17 and me 9, we spent a lot of time together. Ye lah, takkan nak ajak Atok pulak pergi jalan kaki pergi kedai beli ice cream Paddle Pop Rainbow tu petang-petang and duduk menghadap tv siang hari kan? So I was looking for him and masa nak salam tu, I remember someone staring at me and was smiling and masa hulur tangan nak salam, dia literally senyum semacam and pandang aku and I was like, errr, kenal ke? Dah masuk kereta baru ''mana satu Abg Illyas?'' true enough, it was him. So, Abg Illyas, selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin yeeee. hehe ;)

Dan hari ni sangat penat okayyy. Terbangun sbb ada phone call and lepas tu dah try nak tidur balik tak boleh. Elok aku landing atas lazy chair sambil tgok CSI ayah ckp ada orang nak datang, tolong pergi kedai beli nasi beriani. Nak di jadikan kisah, semua kedai Melayu tutup lagi and kedai mamak pun takda nasi beriani. Semua tengah mood nak makan lontong lagi agaknya. So dah habis pusing satu Prima Saujana tu, balik aku memasak yeee. Okay fine lah sayur goreng je pun, tapi nak set table and what not and kemas balik everything, lemah lutut jugak laaaah.

Then I went to Giant to get a hair dye and went to Sate Samuri to get sate since ada lagi 6 kereta nak datang malam tu. Sampai pukul 12 lah orang datang. Potong nasi impit dengan kek layer Sarawak sampai terkopek kulit tangan sendiri. Serious tak tipu. Lepas tu basuh segala pinggan mangkuk tok nenek smpai kecut kulit. Almaklumlah, orang takda maid kan. Baru ingat nak naik threadmill tapi takpe lah, lutut dah menggigil dari pukul 7 tak berhenti buat kerja. Hopefully dapat burn calories di situ ya tuan-tuan dan puan-puan.

Esok kena bangun pagi, mak book potong rambut pukul 10 pagi. Nak hantar kerata lagi cuci. I like to drive, but I hate washing the car. Wahai bakal suami, minta ampun lah ya. Nanti I hantar carwash seminggu sekali. Haha. Then an open house at 2. Tu lagi satu hal, berapa tahun ntah aku dah duduk Kajang ni, pergi Mines. Boleh tak ingat jalan nak pergi sana? Rasa nak tanam GPS dalam kepala ni, susah sangat nak ingat jalan. Then pergi KLCC. Oh yeaaaah :)

Ohh, and berkenaan tajuk post. I have a feeling I'll be going out more often now. How do I come up with excuses supaya parents kasi keluar dan tak emo?

And on another note, I'm tired of hinting my dad for a blackberry that I blurted it to him petang tadi.

M: Nanti Ayah belikan lah Azwa BlackBerry satu.

A: Nak buat apa?

M: Laah, nak guna lah.

A: It's meant for businessmen, not kids.

M: Most of my friends have it. And they're not businessmen.

A: Well, it's not meant for them either.

M: Still.....

A: Ingat murah ke nak *inserts a technology-related-word-I-don't-know*

M: Apebenda tu?

A: Itu pun tak tau, nak pakai BlackBerry.

M: Memang lah, mana nak tau.

A: Hmm, so tak payah lah. Banyak cantek.

So, yes. There is the answer to why I don't have a BlackBerry. :)

Aaaah, I've been literally gorging down food and ballooning up like there's no tomorrow. All the dieting and the thread mill runs at 1 in the morning at least once every two days just went down the drain. 2 days of raya and I feel like I've put on more weight than before.

Mana taknya, malam nak raya we had rendang and ketupat and I think that is the most addictive food ever so that night alone, I had like 5-6 servings. That is easily equivalent to 4 days' dinner.

The next morning, I had another 2-3 rounds in the morning and then in the afternoon when I went over to my aunt's house, I had another round of ketupat, rendang kerang and ayam goreng. I dare not count the calories here. :| Ah, and please don't forget, obviously tak minum air suam dah lah kan. Carbonated drinks and air manis all the way lah, kata pun raya. Tak sah raya kalau air-air mcm ni tak hidang at least 5 jug.

And then we left for Ipoh that night and sampai-sampai, Opah dah hidang nasi minyak with Rendang Tok and daging kurma.

In the morning, when we started going round to relatives' place, makan dah tak payah cakap okay. I ate at every house we went because kononnya, I wanted to be polite. Orang dah hidang, takkan tak makan kan? At least rasa sikit (?). So at the first house, we had nasi beriani and ayam masak merah. So was the second house, and yes, I ate again although menu sama. Why? Because it's Raya, dammit. -_- And then at the third house, we had laksa. I'm not really fond of laksa, so I ate cookies. Lots of them. And by the time we were at the fourth house, I just couldn't take the nasi lemak and kuey tiow sup anymore. If I did, I would have thrown up at that instance.

We went back sometime at 6 and after Maghrib, we had dinner. It was the usual nasi, udang, ketam and ikan feast. Then, I had mihun goreng. And lots and lots of durian for dessert. Oh lupa nak cakap, I had 2 servings of mihun goreng and cempedak goreng for breakfast. Oh my, just writing all of this down, makes me go, Oh man, what did I do to myself? Lepas ni jangan kan kata nak run 2 miles, nak jog 15 minutes pun dah semput and tak larat agaknya. :\

All in all, it was an emotional raya. It was the first without my Atok KL and some other relatives who passed away all sometime near raya. But I met up with a lot of cousins I haven't seen for years and we had so many rounds of cards, everyone was so worn up that everyone went to bed early. These 2 days were fun and I can't wait for shopping now that my purse isn't so empty anymore. But first off, I'll have to cut down all carbo and sugar intakes and start running on the threadmill. If I go shopping like this, I don't think I'll be able to find anything that fits me and my friends will have the scare of their life seeing how fat I am now. Happy shopping, spend all that duit raya wisely ;)

It's the time of the year again.

Makcik-makcik dan kakak-kakak sila gulung lengan baju dan start memasak serta buat kuih.

Abang-abang dan pakcik, angkat kain pelikat tolong budak-budak nyalakan bunga api/mercun. :D

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri! Minta maaf zahir dan batin dari hujung rambut smpai ke hujung kaki untuk semua khilaf sama ada yang sedar atau pun tidak.

Semoga Syawal kali ini dapat menjernihkan yang keruh dan merapatkan yang renggang. InsyaAllah. :)

Be safe and have fun!

If wishes were truly to be granted, I have a few I'd give anything just for it to come true.

I wish that everyone would come together and that there will be no more dramas, back-biting and hatred. Just a better place for everyone to live in.

I wish that I was stronger. So that I would care less and not be emotionally drained by the end of every day. Just so that I can face everyone day in and day out and not be crying deep down inside because lately that's what I have been doing. I think that it has been obvious enough that my world is falling apart and despite the obvious need for love and support, all I am getting is the opposite. I can feel myself pushing away from the ones I used to believe would always love me unconditionally. It's not something I'm proud of, but I feel like I have to protect my own comfort zone which is cracking under the pressure which each passing minute, myself.

I wish that I would find inner peace and be closer to God. I feel the longing of knowing that whatever happens has a reason and that He will be there for me all the time, even when the whole world is turning its back on me. I want to be able to cry every night and talk to Him like He is there right in front of me. My world is tumbling down and its wall are crushing me, please don't let go of me now. I beg You, for You are the only one who understands how I feel and can grant me the courage and strength I need.

I wish that my world would start falling to pieces again and be better than before.

Believe it or not, Facebook is a global-wide, nation-wide addiction.

Bila bangun pagi, first thing bukak : Facebook.

Sebelum tidur : Facebook.

Tengah bosan : Facebook.

Dalam class bila lecture bosan sikit : Facebook.

Sampai ada yang smbil buang air dlm toilet pun bukak Facebook. Kalau rumah ada wifi laptop boleh tarik masuk, tariikkkk. Kalau tak boleh, tercengot-cengot kat screen handphone smpai kepala terpusing-pusing pun boleeehhhh.

To a level that I feel people would do anything to be the ''it'' girl/boy on Facebook. Adding complete strangers just so that you would have the most amount of Facebook friends. Status dramas, controversional wall posts, hot hot photos on Facebook. You name it, we've seen it all.

But all in all, I think everyone would agree that deleting someone off Facebook would be the last straw of ending a relationship/friendship. A few days back, I deleted someone I used to be really close with because we haven't talked for monthsss, just because he now has a girlfriend and at one point, I chose to end it because to know that your bestfriend chooses a girl over you, that hurts. And I found out this morning that the girlfriend broke it off with him to rekindle an old flame with an ex. Sacrifise in the name of love worth it?

And last night, I found out that someone who was really close with me, deleted me off Facebook. Yes, we had our share of arguments but I really did feel like we worked it off before I got back and what she did truly left me in a state of shock. Yes, I was sad. I called up a few friends and asked people if I should add her back or if I should call her. I really did want to know what I did wrong.

But having gone through hell, this past few weeks, *no, I'm not exxagarating here, people, I really had gone through a lot for a 20-year-old*, I realised that a friend is not who you have commenting on your statuses everytime you post something, or one that is in the bff box on your facebook profile. Its the ones that come over to your place at 11 pm just because you're not okay. The ones willing to call you up for hours through Skype/ mobile just so you can cry and tell them what happened, how you feel and what your fears are and in return, they let you know that things are going to be fine and they remind you of the simple things in life that matters. The ones who writes you note and still believes in you even when your own family doesn't anymore.

Looking back, I definitely have taken a lot of my friends for granted. Most of the time, we forget that fun friends aren't always the good friends. I may not have children of the richest people in the country to be my friends. I don't have the sociallites as my friends either. Neither are the cool people who get to buy whatever they want and don't have to even work a day in their lifetime. But I'm truly happy that I have my circle of friends.

The feeling of knowing that they know they can text me at 4 in the morning just because they're sad and need to talk to someone or call me up because they found out something about their boyfriend/girlfriend or just went through a horrible breakup. Just the feeling of knowing that someone really cares about you and you feel the same way about them and that they trust you and they know that you'll always be there for each other no matter what the time or where in the world we are, that's my definition of what real friends are. No point if you have thousands of friends on Facebook and that you get hundreds of notifications every day, but in the end, you're alone and you just don't have that soft spot to fall on to. That, is sad.

So, shred away all the negativities and start cherishing the little things in life. That, dear good people, is what I will start doing now. Tak ada dah nak sakit hati dgn si polan ni, nak burukkan si polan tu. Nak jealous sbb si polan tu ada ni, si polan ni ada tu. It's truly a waste of energy and time. It's never too late to let positivity and happiness in your life.

Ahlan wa sahlan bulan barakah yang membawa rezeki, dan syafaat buat smua.

Ramadhan Kareem, Allahu Akram.

Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa dan ibadah-ibadah sunat. Semoga Ramadhan kali ini lebih bermakna buat kita semua dan semoga dipanjangkan umur untuk berjumpa Ramadhan depan, insyaAllah. :)

I've never been so lost in my life before.

In all honesty, I don't even know how hope feels like anymore. 

A part of me wants to just pack my stuffs, catch the next flight back home and start all over again.

But another part wants to stay and give it my last shot.

Dear God. I am helpless without you. Please, I'm begging you. Grant me strength, show me the way, for now, I need you the most.

Tadi dah tulis post panjang-panjang about what happened when we went to Cairo last Saturday. I was almost done, went to the toilet for 5 minutes and came back to an over-heated laptop, which, automatically shut down and somehow, the post wasn't saved.

So now, I am not gonna write it again, because I am not as happy as I was before even though I finally got my Chocolate Crepe and looking at the shopping bags on the couch. Look for the pictures at my album on my Facebook profile if you want to. Sighs.

Result's are coming out in less than a week. Please let me pass all four, Amin Ya Rabb.

We, humans, are forgetful and we always take things for granted.

When we want something, we say the sweetest thing, we promise the brightest stars and at that point, not even a chicken with a pink helmet flying at bullet speed could stop us.

But what happens when we do get that second chance?

I don't know about you. But sometimes, I don't think I deserve second chances. Because the odds are, I'd still be the same. I don't think that I'm giving my all and my very best, even when I should be.

But, this time. It's different. I have given, though not all, the pieces of courage left in me. And I am more than willing to work even harder next year because when you fall really hard once, you wouldn't want to fall twice. It'll be harder and my parents and family deserve more from me. 

In the name of Allah, if I pass this exams and I get into second year, I will give my very all throughout the year. No more last minute studies. No more fooling around. No more games. No more jokes. This is serious, and this is it. I will ball up the courage I have and pray that God helps me through this. Please let me pass finals this time.

I truly believe in You, oh Allah. Amen Ya Rabb.

                            

I'm about to get sick and my Oral Exams start tomorrow.

Its so hot now that I shower three times a day and everytime I get back from somewhere. The best part? It'll be hotter next month.

There are bed mites on my bed. So my legs are ugly-er and I wear long pants to bed.

I'm a terrible cook and there are very limited dining places here. Please don't suggest that I have fast food for dinner. These are the foods that I so very badly want and will eat at least once when I get back home, which is soon, isA.

From top most :

1. Vietnamese Noodle / Pho.

2. Nasi Lemak Sambal Kerang.

3. Pad Thai.

4. Otak-Otak. Kempas tak Kempas, belakang kira.

5. Chicken Teppanyaki.

6. Nasi Goreng Kerabu.

7. Ipoh Hor Fun.

8. Lontong.

9. Nasi Kerabu Daging Bakar.

10. Char Kuey Tiow.

11. Beef Bulgogi.

12. Fried Shark's Fin with Eggs and Salad.

13. Claypot Chicken Rice.

14. Laksa Sarawak.

Lapar smpai baring atas katil tanak bangun walaupun sebenarnya loya, sakit perut dan rasa nak demam sekarang ni. Jom menangis ramai-ramai? *hulur tissue* Okay lah, byeeee. Nak mandi dan buat sup. Tu je yang boleh terima skrang ni. Sedih kan?

Why I Need To Go Back To Malaysia This Year:

1. Need to buy more clothes and shoes. Kalau beli sendiri, I need to worry about money and I'm not exactly the best one in budgetting and according to plan.

2. I miss driving and fully air-conditioned cars and people not honking every 2 minutes while driving.

3. I promised Pudding I'd buy him boxes of Tako Tao.

4. I need to see if they have any new stores in KLCC.

5. Even though I love City Stars to bits and pieces and all, I need to go to other malls. Too much of soemthing is never good enough.

6. The fact that I'm a terrible cook and is food deprived, I don't want to go bonkers.

7. It's too hot and dry here. I need a balance of the Asian heat and some rain and greenery.

8.My bed in Malaysia doesn't have bed mites and it's cooler, and even though there's no couch and a dining table in my room, I miss my room. The smell, my bed, the view from my window and my own bathroom.

9. I miss going out and not having people look at you like you're wearing your pants inside out.

10. I miss home and I miss my family.

I am a firm believer of ''good things shouldn't be rushed''. Believe me when I say, I speak from experience.

I'm not rushing anything right now. Yes, I whine for a boyfriend a lot, but don't take me as being desperate. Because I'm not. I'm still waiting for the right one. Call me old-fashioned and tell me ''you're still young, go on and have fun''. Thanks but no thanks. I've had my share of fun. :)

Btw, I think some people just don't learn from mistakes. Especially those who listen to their heart more than their head. That, honey, is where most problems start. Sometimes, we don't see the bad in someone just because we like having them around. Open your eyes. Look around. You can't be that stupid, can you? Shutting down people who are actually being nice to you for what people you think you know and the judgements that they pass around because you think they're right. Tuhan bagi akal kepada manusia untuk membezakan antara yang baik dan buruk. Guna nikmat tu sebaik mungkin, don't take it for granted sbb itu yang membezakan antara kita dan haiwan.

I can't wait for Cairo. Liberation, baby! *even if it's just for one week*

Fu*k it maannnnnn, Pysio esok okay but still mcm apa je. This is the paper I'm most least prepared for. Not to say that I'm, boasting with confidence for other papers so far, but at least I wont be as empty-headed and as blur as this one. This is 3 thick books, which is equivalent to 6 whole, long chapters we're talking about and I need to score at least 75 marks to pass. Oh Lord, please be with me this time.

We went on a Firakh Masywi hunt this morning, Mye, Anis and me. That means grilled chicken. Who needs Kenny Roger's when it's all by the roadside? Pfft.

Sighs. Physiology oh Physiology. You make me wanna cry so hard and sit on my bed, with my earphones on, singing my lungs out to crappy, shitty songs.

This video is very cute, have been addicted to it ever since. :)

Exams itu sgt palat. Honestly. It makes people go bonkers, literally. Lagi-lagi kalau dpat exam mcm kitorang, 3 bulan. That's 3 months of hell, I'm telling you.

Anat 50-50%. Kalau lepas, aku tak tau nk ckp mcm mana bersyukurnya I will be. Biochem boleh buat, I honestly expect a pass, insyaAllah, Amin. Physio lagi 3 hari, tapi cover mcm tak cover je. Semoga Allah mudahkan segalanya and I really need to pass all four. My life is at stake. Literally.

I think exam's this year is really testing everyone emotionally. Everyone's breaking down, at one point or another. Tekanan emosi dan depresi ada di mana-mana di Mansoura. You can feel it on the streets, even. Hopefully we will all have the strength to make it through. God knows this is hard. All I want to do right now is just sit on my bed, watch reruns of downloaded low-quality movies on my laptop and eat ice cream straight from the tub.

I want to pass. I want to go home. I want to come back to Egypt in November for my life as a second year medical student. Amin, ya Rabb. Amin, Amin, Ya Rabb al-Alamin.

Sometimes, I go to bed thinking that I want to pass exams and I hug my pillow tight. I hope He listens to me. To us all. Because we are all fighting for our future.

After three whole days of me staying in bed, trying to run from sunlight and people and mustering the pieces of courage and hope left in me, we threw a surprise birthday party for Fat. We made our own triffle, macaroni with minced meat and egg sandwishes. The foods were awesome, we literally ate the whole night, till noon. It was food, face paint, taking pictures, food, a ghost movie, Facebook-ing, food and more food. It was nice, a night of taking our mind off things. :)

And to those who passed the Semester 4 Finals, Congratulations! And for those who didn't, don't worry, theres still the repeat paper. Work harder and don't give up and lose faith just yet. The rainbow will come at the end of the storm.

I thought I moved on, but clearly I haven't. What happens when you love someone just a little bit too much and even though you know you just can't be together in the end, but your heart still wants you to stay a little longer and fight?

I felt like a big part of me left when I found out.

There were just so many things I wanted to tell you but I didn't.

So many things we said we'd do but now won't happen.

So many things you did for me that I would never forget.

You would always be there. Just a phone call, or a text away.

You have our picture posted on your closet door and you promised me you would come visit me here.

I'm sorry for not spending enough time with you.

I'm sorry I did not call or text you more often.

I'm sorry you got worried about me.

And I'm sorry I couldn't see you and kiss you for the last time.

But I got the last text you sent me. And it truly meant a lot to me.

And I love you too, Atok. Very much. And I will miss you even more than you think I'll do.

Rest in peace, Atok.

Oh Tuhanku, tempatkan lah dia dalam kalangan orang-orang yang beriman dan cucuri rahmat dan keampunan keatasnya.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now.

Exam starts in 2 days. To say that I didn't study at all and that I am going into the exam hall with absolutely nothing in my head, and by nothing I mean not even knowing what the question's gonna be like would be a lie. That was a year ago.

But to say that I've covered every single page and memorised every single line would be a lie, too.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhan Ku, aku mohon padaMu Ya Allah, kurniakan lah kejayaan buat aku dan kawan-kawan ku. Hanya Kau sahaja yang tahu betapa pentingnya peperiksaan kali ni buat kami semua, dan aku sendiri. Inilah penentu segalanya Ya Allah. Kau murahkanlah rezeki kami, bukakan pintu rezeki kami dan turunkan syafaat mu Ya Rabb. Aku merayu kepadamu Tuhanku, kurniakan lah kami kejayaan dalam peperiksaan ini Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya Engkaulah Yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang. Ameen Ya Rabb al-Alamin.